I was at a party last weekend digging through the cooler. The host noticed and asked me what I was looking for. I pulled out a Miller Lite and unenthusiastically said “This will be OK.” He quickly responded by doing a little uncovering until he found the Fat Tires that were also in the cooler. My “this will be OK” turned into a “Yippee” as I made the exchange.
In college I drank a lot of beer without actually liking it. It was a means to an end. Once enough were consumed it turned dull, quiet Leslee into a fun girl. Over time I acquired a taste for it. But ultimately my relationship with beer was all about the buzz. It was not to feed my senses but rather to dull them. It was that thing I did to pass the time until conditions arrived in which being the real me all the time (not just with my closest friends) felt right.
Today I sent Mark a grocery list. On it I wrote “beer” followed by a happy face. He will not come home with a six pack of Miller Lite like he would have years ago. He’ll bring home something rich, dark and delicious. After the girls are in bed and a movie is in the DVD player I will drink a beer or two. Actually I won’t drink it, I will savor it. In recent years Beer has become the new chocolate for me. I like all different kinds, but dark is my favorite. I know that it isn’t a “healthy food” so I indulge in it in moderation. I now understand what it is to be a “beer snob” (although I’ve been told we’re not supposed to call ourselves that). I laugh thinking back to the me who sat in the Taproom and ordered a Miller Lite. What a waste…
So why, you may ask, am I writing about beer? Well I think it is a good metaphor for my current lease on life. There was a time when I kept the vision of my life pretty simple. I believed I was very limited. I didn’t veer very far from the norm. I didn’t consider myself to be creative and I lived each moment with some far off end goal in mind. “I’ll enjoy life when I get XY or Z…” The thing is eventually I reached those goals. I’m a happily married, mother of two living in the perfect town. Now that I’m here I have to branch out a bit. I’ve added new flavors and become more creative. I’m focused on savoring the moment, planting the seeds for dreams but trying to relax and give them space to grow.
Waiting for the Click 