Lately I’ve been in a weird place, it’s new and quite frankly it’s a bit dark. After many years of reading many metaphysical books, I can’t help but think (and hope) this means something. Like perhaps I’m on that edge and the break-through is pending.
I feel like I need a teacher right now, in the form of a book or a person, something to show me exactly where to go. I’ve picked up several books. There’s Jesus of course, or Goldsmith, Tolle or Choquette, The Hicks or Wayne Dyer, Julia Cameron or Caroline Myss. I could also try someone new like Byron Katie or Pema Chodren. But every time I stare at a book shelf, whether in my home or a store, my inner voice says no. Just today at the Goodwill book store I silently asked to be led to a book, one perfect for where I am right now. I walked out with a Sarah Dessen novel.
As I sat in meditation, I thought about how I currently feel so off the path. It occurred to me, though, that the truest path is the one that comes from within. I realized that maybe I can’t find the perfect teacher or reading material right now because I need to let my higher self be my guide.
But even after all of that, when I got up from meditation, I still wanted a glint of something from an outside force, so I went looking under the bed for my angel cards. Instead of the cards I found the astrological reading that Jennifer Shelton did for me last summer. I read until I got to North Node (life purpose) and tears begin to fall. It said “Reliance on intuition, developing a sense of freedom and adventure.”
I realized that lately everything I’ve been feeling is a push against that. I’ve been wanting someone or something else to provide me with answers, instead of trusting my own. I’ve been wanting guarantees that everything will work out and go smoothly instead of just being free and adventurous. So maybe I am at that edge. Maybe I’m at the tipping point almost ready to put the wheels down into my life’s purpose.
It sure would be nice…