I find these days that I have a very strange reaction when people write or talk about God. When I stumble upon religious blogs and read about a God that is very “human,” I feel somewhat assaulted. I was reading through some old comments on this blog yesterday and found one in which the person mentioned that we should let God be the judge. That person had commented in my defense, yet reading the comment still urked me. I was thinking about this recently and I had this “click.” What if I don’t actually believe in God? WHOA! I’ve been chatting back and forth with a blog friend who is an atheist. We have A LOT in common. So I’ve spent some time over the last couple of weeks with this question and of course the answers have come to me.
The first answer I received came to me by way of that assaulted feeling, only this time I was reading my atheist friend’s blog. He is an excellent writer and so often when reading his stuff I find myself shaking my head in agreement. But in one particular post he emphasized his belief that there is no God and I couldn’t stomach it. My heart ached as much as it does when someone talks about that judging, vengeful God. So maybe I do believe in God. WHEW!
So if I do believe in God, but my God is not that father figure waiting to reward or punish me, who or what is God to me? During the week that this question was in my head I was reading the book “The Field” by Lynne McTaggart. The book was a bit over my head at first, but as luck would have it I began to really understand it and find my answers in its pages. Basically the book discusses the scientific research being done that proves our connectedness and the power of consciousness (which I would define as our perceptions, beliefs, and ideals about our lives and environment). “The Field” is, as I understand it, an energetic plane which contains all the memories of the past and the future. Within it are all the discoveries that ever have and ever will be. And we all have a connection to it and can go within to find that connection. This book provided me with my definition of God. God is this “field” and it isn’t subject to time, it knows all that ever was and all that will ever be. It is always present and all powerful (particularly if you tap into to it).
God is not a father, a mother, or a son. God is just a word. Which brings me to one more piece of my answer. I read this post over at Owning Pink and really got a lot from the discussion in response to it. Like Dana (in the article), I believe that God is neutral. I don’t think there is a being judging us, but I also don’t think there is something smiling on us when we do something good. When our intentions are in line with what is best for our lives, we feel it, we KNOW it. It’s not a reward or a punishment, it’s simply going with or against the flow.
I’m not quite sure how or if I’ll continue to use the word God. It seems that how I define God is very different from the way most others define the word. To me, there are many words that could be used instead. There is spirit, energy, the Universe, flow, power, love, higher self, or “the field.” The important piece of information here is that we are all connected and there is something that holds us together. If we can use God as an excuse to go to war and to discriminate, then it doesn’t seem logical to me that THAT is actually God.