I was at a party last weekend digging through the cooler. The host noticed and asked me what I was looking for. I pulled out a Miller Lite and unenthusiastically said “This will be OK.” He quickly responded by doing a little uncovering until he found the Fat Tires that were also in the cooler. My “this will be OK” turned into a “Yippee” as I made the exchange.
In college I drank a lot of beer without actually liking it. It was a means to an end. Once enough were consumed it turned dull, quiet Leslee into a fun girl. Over time I acquired a taste for it. But ultimately my relationship with beer was all about the buzz. It was not to feed my senses but rather to dull them. It was that thing I did to pass the time until conditions arrived in which being the real me all the time (not just with my closest friends) felt right.
Today I sent Mark a grocery list. On it I wrote “beer” followed by a happy face. He will not come home with a six pack of Miller Lite like he would have years ago. He’ll bring home something rich, dark and delicious. After the girls are in bed and a movie is in the DVD player I will drink a beer or two. Actually I won’t drink it, I will savor it. In recent years Beer has become the new chocolate for me. I like all different kinds, but dark is my favorite. I know that it isn’t a “healthy food” so I indulge in it in moderation. I now understand what it is to be a “beer snob” (although I’ve been told we’re not supposed to call ourselves that). I laugh thinking back to the me who sat in the Taproom and ordered a Miller Lite. What a waste…
So why, you may ask, am I writing about beer? Well I think it is a good metaphor for my current lease on life. There was a time when I kept the vision of my life pretty simple. I believed I was very limited. I didn’t veer very far from the norm. I didn’t consider myself to be creative and I lived each moment with some far off end goal in mind. “I’ll enjoy life when I get XY or Z…” The thing is eventually I reached those goals. I’m a happily married, mother of two living in the perfect town. Now that I’m here I have to branch out a bit. I’ve added new flavors and become more creative. I’m focused on savoring the moment, planting the seeds for dreams but trying to relax and give them space to grow.