Maria’s Click

Maria found my blog during the break.   Like me, she is also a fan of the teachings of Joel S. Goldsmith.  She sent me the following story of an amazing healing in her life.  She told me in her email that since writing out her story she has lost twelve pounds.  I really believe that miracles can happen when we seek to heal starting with our thoughts and feelings towards ourselves.  Maria’s story is evidence of that.  You can find Maria here and here.

This summer we remodeled our bathroom and we got a full length framed mirror for over the vanity for free.  Since we already had one there, we decided to use it vertically in our bedroom.  I haven’t had a full length mirror for many years.  I was so excited as we mounted it on the wall and I saw the reflection from the window right across and the effect of brightness and openness it was giving to the room!  But the next morning, when I rolled out of the bed and started getting ready for work, I stood in front of the mirror and was so disappointed by seeing a figure I could hardly recognize.  The twelve or so extra pounds immediately snapped at me, my grays stuck out, fluffy arms out of tone, a “life saver” of belly fat, some orange peel on my thighs, blotches on my legs and a height loss (I swear I was taller before)!

A few thoughts ran quickly through my mind.  I haven’t had a professional facial in over fifteen years.  I have no time for working out.  I wish I had money to join one of those weight loss programs.  Oh, I don’t even know what to do to look better-no wonder why I don’t get compliments anymore! As those thoughts and more downfalls like them were spinning in my head, I decided to sit down in prayer and visit my only source of beauty-Soul’s Beauty Salon-for an extreme makeover.

I quieted down, started taking a few breaths, and as I did that I thought, I come to Thee for inspiration.  And as I was “inspiring”, the thought came to me that I invite in the Spirit of Truth that purifies and rejuvenates all things in me.  A sense of peace instantly took over and a flow of refreshing thoughts started occupying me.

“Shall the clay say to him that fashioneth it, What makest though?”

“Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands.”

In that state, I dived into the “FOREVER 23” anti-aging formula:

“The Lord IS my Shepard I shall not want!”

“He restoreth my soul!”

“He annointed my head with oil.”

Right then, I felt I was sitting in Christ’s clinic for a complete and permanent makeover.  I felt mother Love, gently combing my full of strength hair.  I felt my body was full of brightness and grace.  I felt strong, light, and radiant.

“Love restoreth my soul!”

Then the thought about fat reduction came to me.  In the question “what is fat?”  Instantly the thought False Assuming Thoughts or Fake Appearing Thoughts came to me.

There I understood that all belief about fat was an illusion and it was up to me to reduce and eliminate it.  In the thought about extra weight I started thinking what extra weight can mean and then I realized all the “extras” I was carrying for a long time:  thoughts that people have wronged me, thoughts that people have hurt me, self-justification about this that happened 30, 20, 10 years ago or yesterday, guilt and blame.

Right there, as I was sitting in the makeover room, I felt I stood in front of a “burning bush” and mentally threw all the weights I was ignorantly carrying for years.  I saw forgiving every person that abused me since I was a baby, letting go of every sad memory, forgetting all history of me, releasing all resistance for being new and ageless, erasing my story-whater that might be, burning the past and pausing the agony of the future.

I threw in my complaints about the government, the pollution, the dogma, the economy, the war, the pain.  I felt I was doing this for me and for the world.  And as I was doing it for the world, I was doing it for me.  The fire became stronger and stronger as I was throwing more and more things of mortal history and collective thought, but strangely enough the atmosphere felt clearer and clearer, brighter and brighter and me and my body lighter and lighter.  There I knew I was standing on holy ground.

Then I felt going through an exfoliating process, a sense of getting rid of layers and layers of erroneous, heavy thinking concerning all mankind.  That moment I had a glimpse of Jesus transfiguration experience, the understanding of what might mean to be transfigured in the light of Christ Truth.  My figure felt a slim and thin silhouette dancing in the glow of the brightest light.  I felt shaped up in perfection by Soul and sizzled in holiness by Love.  The feeling of beauty was overwhelming.  The sense of grace was un-measurable.  The actual form of me was meaning-less but never the less quiet beautiful and ever refreshed, standing in different heights.

When I went to work that day, I was astounded when the very first question I was asked was “Have you lost weight?”  Somebody else looked at my flat heels and questioned why I looked taller.  And somebody else said “Gee, you look gorgeous today, did you have a makeover or something?”

Dolls

I have been thinking about this post for five days.  I haven’t sat down to write it because for me it was a huge click, one I’m not sure I can put into words or really explain.  I’m sitting here now, my hands on the keys, sort of hoping it will write itself.

Through the internet I’ve met some great people.  They are people I’d never come face to face with or have the opportunity to get to know otherwise.  One of those people I’ve mentioned before and you met last week through his click story.  I knew the first time I read Opinionated Gift’s blog that he was going to be one of my teachers.  I did not, however, think it would be through his fascination with a TV program.  So I’d like to dedicate this post to him and thank him for my most recent spiritual click that came b/c I watched the first season of his favorite show.

As you know one of the great spiritual teachers that I study, read and feel guided by is Joel S. Goldsmith.  I’ve been reading his books for over a year now and in nearly everyone of them he talks about Reality.  He says that the only thing that is REAL is God.  And God is not some outside force looking down upon us and intervening in our lives on occasion to either punish or reward us.  He tells us God is the moving force in everything, that the very core of our being is God.  We are an extension of God.  We are God in expression.  That is what is real about us.  When our bodies die, that part of our being lives on.  Our very essence is God and God is eternal.

As he delves further into this idea he says that everything else is more or less hypnotism.  It’s real to us only because we believe in it.  We are programed to believe that we are people with bodies and brains and problems to solve.  We have created this illusory life with people who love us and hate us, help us or make our lives more complicated.  But if a bomb dropped on our heads tomorrow all of that would be gone.  But would we be gone?  Some people say yes, if a bomb drops on my head life stops…the end.  But Joel (and me) say no!  In that moment the veil is lifted and we are infinitely aware of the hypnotism we have been released from.  In that moment we see and become the Reality which is Spirit.  It is the very definition of Omnipresent and Omnipotent.

So I’ve been reading this and intellectually buying it for over a year now.  Yet, I had no way of illustrating why I believe it or why it makes sense to me.  That is until I started watching OG’s favorite show, Dollhouse.  In this show there is a large corporations that offers people the opportunity to make lots of money and escape from the pasts that are haunting them.  They sign a contract and the company erases their memories and life.  Once they have signed themselves over and become “actives” they are rented by ultra-wealthy clients to play roles in their lives.  In some instances it is prostitution, in others it is something completely different.  But the clients “order” their perfect “Doll” and the scientist in charge fills the order and programs the person with a whole new identity.  When the “actives” wake up they really believe they are this new person.  In between gigs they are wiped clean and walk around like pleasant zombies not really feeling or expressing anything.

In a lot of ways this is how we are in our lives.  We define who we are by what we tell ourselves and what loved ones and society tells us.  We believe we are stuck in these roles and this is what life is.  The catch is we can change our lives and the fastest way to do that is to connect with what is REAL.  We don’t have to die to understand our eternal nature.  If we are quiet and attentive enough we can hear the small voice and acknowledge the intuitive tugs.  If we stop being so busy and take the time to listen we can be “in this world but not of it.”

Again, Dollhouse has done an excellent job of illustrating another point.  Echo is the main character and is, of course, an “active.”  The difference with Echo is that the hypnotism hasn’t fully worked on her.  The part of her that is REAL sends her flashes of memories and insights.  She uses this information for good in her roles.  She evolves in a way that none of the other “actives” evolve.  She is connected and in touch with her essence.  I haven’t watched the whole series but it seems that she has a big destiny and a crucial role.  Her intuition, soul, or spirit within is leading her down the right path and she is following without truly knowing why.

Our lives on this earth are programs.  I think a lot of it comes with us before we are born.  I like to believe that we are given the opportunity to create the program before we enter.  Once we are born the programming comes from a lot of different places.  Our families, schools, media, laws, history, friends, and governments add to our programming.  None of it is set in stone though.  If we seek the inner voice and quiet the outer voices we may find a destiny that we couldn’t quite imagine.  If we are brave enough to put the programming aside and follow the guidance, even without definitive answers, we may create a better or more positive life experience.

*I haven’t seen season 2 of Dollhouse.  I let another Dollhouse fan and friend read this and although he didn’t give me any clues as to what happens to Echo in season 2, it is possible I am completely wrong about her.  So if you’re reading this and you know that, please no spoilers.  In either case, my interpretation of Echo helped me better understand Joel’s teachings.

Heavenly Helpers

I read a lot of books that can only be described as “woo-woo.”  Some of my favorite authors are also psychics.  A recurring theme in these books, written by folks who let their intuition and sixth sense guide them, is their knowledge and work with heavenly helpers.  If you read a book like “Ask Your Guides” by Sonia Choquette you will find a list of spiritual helpers awaiting your requests.  There are angels and spirit guides.  Certain guides will help you find your lost keys or get you a good parking spot.  There are healing guides that will help you recover from sickness or emotional trauma.  There are angels and guides that are connected just to you and by your side at all times throughout your life.  The loved ones that have transitioned from this life to the next are also out there in spirit, shining light on us if needed. You can read a number of books and end up with a list about a mile long of all the entities available and willing to help you.

At various times in the past few years, I have worked to strengthen my intuition and tap into the heavenly resources.  I’m not really interested in talking to spirits or seeing the future.  My goal is to simply be connected and awake enough not to miss the signs that are there pointing me in the right direction.  If I can manage the little things more smoothly than the big things become attainable because I am actually aware enough to identify them.  I have found that if I’m around the house and looking for a lost object if I simply say aloud “Where is that ___?”, it will suddenly pop up.  When I first discovered this trick I would start the questions by first saying “Angels.”  One day we were looking for the remote and I asked the angels to help us find it.  Suddenly Callee stopped, laid on her stomach, reached under the chair, and pulled out the clicker.  I responded with a “Thank you, Angels.”  Bella quickly corrected me and said “Callee found the remote, not the Angels.”

Many times when I am meditating I feel that I am not alone.  I have often felt a presence beside me or in front of me.  If I ask a question while meditating the answer often arrives in my consciousness.  Once I even put in a request to meet an old friend in a dream, in order to make peace and ask for long overdue forgiveness.  Sure enough that night, I dreamed about the friend.  We expressed our love, exchanged a hug, and I woke up feeling lighter.

Unless you are a brand new reader to this blog, you know that one of my best friends, Amy, passed away in October.  Recently something concerning Amy was weighing on my mind.  I just kept asking her how she wanted me to feel.  For two days I felt her presence.  I can’t really describe it (other than the chills I got while talking with her mom on the phone) but I just knew she was with me.  I kept getting message after message that everything was OK and exactly as she would want it to be.  By the end of the two days this undeniable, unwavering peace had washed over me.  I knew and know that everything is just as it should be.

One thing I have learned over the last few years is that we are all capable of fine tuning our intuition and realizing our own “psychic” abilities.  We all have them, we just don’t all choose to use them.  For me, I’m still probably more of a skeptic than I am a psychic.  I don’t believe everything that I read by some of my favorite authors.  At times the ego gets crossed with those heavenly messages and you have to stop and ponder a bit.  My favorite spiritual teacher, Joel S. Goldsmith doesn’t even encourage a focus on psychic abilities.  He believes that it all comes from God anyway, so if you contemplate and meditate on God you will receive everything you need for this journey.  But he also recognizes that you can commune with any spiritual teacher you’d like whether living or dead.

Below I will list some of my favorite authors.  If anyone is reading this and interested in learning more about Angels and Spirit Guides, I would recommend them.

Sonia Choquette

Sylvia Browne

Doreen Virtue PhD

John Edward

Allison DuBois

James Van Praagh

Dying Daily

A long time ago I wrote a post and I believe that I mentioned “dying daily” in it. Someone on my Facebook page requested that they would like to hear more of my thoughts on that subject. I never wrote the post that was requested. I wasn’t sure at that point what my thoughts on “dying daily” were. I was reading lots of books that talked about it. Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra mention the importance of “dying daily” in some of their books. And of course my favorite spiritual teacher, Joel S. Goldsmith, mentions it in his.

Intellectually, I think I knew what it meant to “die daily,” but it was only a few days ago when it truly sank in. I was having a day in which I found myself running circles in my mind about what was going to happen. From time to time I think about the ideas that pop into my head and analyze their conception. Have they sprung forth from the divine or is it all just ego drawing attention to itself? I have a beautiful story formulating in my head and I want to write it NOW…but it is not ready to be written. I’m impatient, so I question. Why do I have this idea if I can’t create the product? What is wrong with me? Where is this path taking me? Am I here to entertain or teach or neither?

After a morning filled with these thoughts, I popped in on a couple of friends (and spiritual companions) on gmail chat. I told one that I was feeling lost and asked the other for some inspiration. The first friend simply said “Maybe you are supposed to be lost?” The other friend requested that I drop the thoughts. But he also told me this story:

Lord Buddha was traveling with his followers from one place to another
they went to a village
the villagers served well
and took enough care
while leaving the same
Buddha blessed them
Let sorrow be your companion.
then Buddha after few days reached one more village
where the villagers
didn’t bother at all
so again he blessed while leaving
let this village and its villagers be bestowed all worldly gains
after sometime
the followers asked
why did you curse the first village?
Buddha smiled and answered
Sorrow is like the food for spiritual realization
had the first village been bestowed with all happiness
they would never reach salvation

Then he told me this:

throw away all fear
thoughts are like old garments
you keep on changing
leave everything
even the fear to lose this being
what is beautiful is your soul
so nourish it with love
devotion
faith

I knew my friends were right. The lost feelings were leading me to ask questions and even question my faith. Later on in the day I read a little more from my Goldsmith book. It was the chapter on Karma or “As ye sow, so shall you reap.” It reminded me not to sow to the flesh, but rather to the spiritual. After reading, I laid down on the couch and closed my eyes. Almost instantly I heard “to die daily is to surrender.” I talk about surrender a lot too, but finally I’d reached the realization of it’s true meaning. To surrender is not simply to say “God, take this problem from me.” To surrender is to say “God, take me!” And that is what it means (to me) to “die daily.” Each day, as a part of my spiritual discipline, I need to drop all thoughts, fears, desires, anxieties, regrets, and simply ask to be inspired, enlightened, and led.

Resolutions?

I don’t really believe in making resolutions.  I’ve only ever been successful at keeping a resolution once and that was about 9 years ago.  But if I was going to make them, here are some of the things I’d like to do/be/achieve this year.

1.  Lose 20 pounds by eating healthy and exercising every day.  (Even if I don’t lose the 20, I still want to eat healthy and exercise daily because I just feel better and my body works better when I do.)

2.  Meditate twice a day totalling at least 40 minutes every day no matter what!

3.  Read from the Bible (thanks Heather), A Course in Miracles, or Joel S. Goldsmith for at least 10 or 20 minutes a day.

4.  Start volunteering once a month with a friend from church at The Shelter feeding a meal to the homeless.

5.  Write a novel!

6.  Continue to post on the blog daily.

7.  Journal each day especially about all that I am grateful for.

8.  Keep in touch with people.

9.  Keep the house clean and clutter-free.

10.  Practice yoga at least 3 times a week.

11.  Set a schedule for internet “checks” and stick with it!

12.  Last but absolutely MOST IMPORTANT is to spend more quality time with the girls and Mark!!!!

So now that I’ve made the list, I am surrendering it!  Some of it will happen because it is meant to and some of it will not.  As long as I am aware enough to hear the still small voice and to pay attention to the signals my body sends me, I should be just fine.  I have a good feeling about 2010, that is for sure.  2009 was a year for change and rebirth, 2010 will be the year for me to discover who I am and what I’m capable of now!

The Devil Made Me Do It

A while back I mentioned in a post that I do not believe in The Devil and needless to say all hell broke loose (no pun intended).  I have finally mustered up the nerve to write about why it is I feel this way.

First off I will say that I do buy into the idea of evil energies.  There is no doubt there are sociopaths that commit evil deeds without any real motive at all.  An author and psychic I’ve read, Sylvia Browne, has written her theories on these people.  She suggest that their  “punishment” for the evil they possess is to reincarnate over and over again without ever finding peace in the afterlife.  In essence, her idea is that the earthly life and body is hell for them.  This seems like a reasonable theory, although I am not sure if I believe it completely.

What I do believe is that the vast majority of us are inherently good.  We are all interwoven and connected and the thread that binds us is the divinity within us.  I think that we have two forces working on and in our lives: God and Ego.  God is the driving force that fills us with excitement and inspiration.  God is the tug in our chest or inner voice that screams at us not to get in the car on the day of the accident. (If you remember a lot of people were spared on 9/11 b/c they listened to an inner voice that urged them to change the routine.)  God is the love that fills our hearts when our friends find success and peace in their lives.  When we follow that voice we are left feeling a zest for life.  The other voice is our Ego.  Ego screams to us out of fear.  It tells us there is not enough.  It manifests itself as greed, jealousy, anxiety, confusion, and rage.  Ego tells us we are all alone and the only way to find our place is to jump on the closest bandwagon and hold on for dear life.  Just like God, Ego is a part of all of us.  Ego is our human nature and it is the closest thing to The Devil that exists.

Personally I think very often people confuse God with The Devil.  I don’t think God wants us to get complacent.  God forces us to ask questions and seek answers.  Sometimes that is scary, sometimes it means walking away from a relationship, job, or religion that has felt like a foundation in our lives.  Sometimes we misunderstand God’s guidance and make mistakes.  Sometimes our mistakes are God’s plan because they bring us closer to the reality of who we are and what is valuable in our lives.  Because of this, I think that “the devil made me do it” or “the devil is pulling me away” is a cop out excuse.  If questions arise in your life and new ideas are presented to you, it may just be God offering you a new path to explore.  The real “devil” in this situation is the EGO that screams at you to cling to old ideas even if they are no longer serving you and the world.

Most of what I have written thus far is just my opinion and may come across as judgmental, but I did want to close on one final note as to why I do not believe in The Devil.  Omnipotence!  If God is Omnipotent than how can there be a force strong enough to outwit God on occasion?  If God is Omnipresent than how can there be an outside force that pulls people away from God?  I do not believe there is.  God is all powerful and always with us.  It is our choice, free will, to decide if we want to wake up to that connection or stay trapped in the duality of humanity.  (I also wanted to mention that I was first presented with the idea in this paragraph…which makes more sense to me than anything else…in Joel S. Goldsmith’s teachings.)

Giving Thanks for Rebirth

I am writing this on Sunday night, November 22.  It will post on Thanksgiving day.  My intention was to write a post of gratitude on this day named just for that.  It’s been a difficult past couple of months though.  There’s a lot in my life to be grateful for, but it’s hard to write about on a day when I’ve found myself in tears three times, missing my friend.  So instead I’m chosing to express thanks, not for what I have, but for what is happening to me now.

In October I had two life-changing events.  The first was a reality check in the form of some tough criticism.  It should have shaken my foundation, but for some reason it didn’t.  It was a truth I always suspected, that had hidden itself under a pretty package and lots of sugar coating.  The second event was, of course, losing one of my best friends, Amy.  The person I was died the day she did.  I’ve tried, in moments, to venture back to the thoughts, desires, and ideas I had before that day and they’re gone.  I’ve tried to have the same conversations I had before that day and I can’t.  I know this is all meant to be.  It is a huge wake up call.  I’m hitting the snooze button right now though.  I’ve always been one of those people who sets the alarm an hour before they really need to get up, just so they can snooze for an hour.  Right now, I’m trapped in the hour.

I haven’t started “doing” anything yet, but my internal guidance system is hard at work.  When I sit mindlessly lurking on the internet, I get that uncomfortable feeling in my gut.  Today I finally listened.  I closed the laptop and I picked up “Class Lessons” by Joel S. Goldsmith.  Reading it, I was reminded of my nature, of the reality of who I am, who we all are.  I thought more about how I’ve lost my way somewhat.  I don’t study and meditate the way I once did.  To some extent, I’ve let my ego take the wheel.  Losing Amy shined a light on that (which is funny b/c during a conversation she once said to me…”this is all about ego, nothing else”), but in the aftermath I’ve been too numb to make the necessary changes.

I read Joel S. Goldsmith’s teachings and I am reminded not to judge the situation.  Today I received an email that made me very happy.  I was torn between dancing or crying(happy tears).  Later on I thought more about it and realized it was also kind of scary and intimidating.  It was only then that I had to stop myself from judging.  I want to let go of the duality.  I want to let go of the concern for myself.  Before Amy died, I had a g-chat conversation with my cyber-friend Biswajit (who has become a sort of spiritual teacher for me) and he asked me what I was looking for (on my spiritual journey).  My response was something like  “to have a true realization that I am taken care of.”  No sooner had I typed that into the chat box, did he come back with a big NO! He then said “your purpose here is not to be taken care of.  It is to take care of others.”  I knew he was right.

Now I am in the midst of a rebirth.  I am discovering a new life.  I am working my way through the grief and fear.  I am hoping to initiate the changes I am being pulled to make.  I know that it takes silence and clarity to hear my inner voice, but it is that voice that will guide me to my rightful place.

 

Psalm 23

I have been studying the teachings of Joel S. Goldsmith for about a year now.  I was very immersed in his work for a while.  One thing that he says is that you should work with “flashcards” and these “flashcards” will be given to you by God.  A flashcard is a phrase (usually from scripture) that you keep in the forefront of your mind throughout your days.  Eventually as you remind yourself of the message it will find its way into your being and then you will be given another phrase to work with.  I have to admit I was skeptical of this and didn’t believe that God would give me a flashcard, but during a moment of meditation I received a nice surprise.  As I sat in my spot in silence, from within I heard “The Lord is my shepherd.  I shall not want.”  There it was, MY first flashcard.  I thought of it often, but eventually lost the discipline to acquire the knowledge at the level intended.  Since Amy passed away, I am being reminded of that phrase.  It seems Psalm 23 is being sent to me in lots of ways, including being printed on the “In Remembrance” for Amy’s viewing.

I want to share it here…

The Lord is my shepherd

I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:

He leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul:

He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:

for Thou art with me;

Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:

Thou annointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Maya

Over the weekend, I attended the first meeting of my latest book group.  We are still reading Joel S. Goldsmith.  This time we have chosen “The Thunder of Silence” and “Class Lessons.”  I wasn’t really prepared for the first meeting.  I didn’t order “Class Lessons” on time and I didn’t re-read the beginning chapters of “The Thunder of Silence.”  I was even doubting whether the time was right for me to participate in this group.  It had crossed my mind to sit this one out.  We were supposed to have our first meeting 2 weeks ago but there was a mix up in the days and times and it ended up getting postponed.  I was unable to attend on the 10th so we rescheduled for the 17th.  I always say that everything happens for a reason and by the time the 17th arrived not only did I no longer have doubts about the group but I was in need of it.

Joel S. Goldsmith’s primary teaching is to put your focus on God and all you need will be provided.  In the group we talked about the I, the little self, and how all problems stem from an emphasis on that I.  If we can look beyond the I to the reality of our being we will no longer suffer.  Many people look at the world and it’s suffering and blame it on God.  Some become God-fearing individuals and set up stringent guidelines for how they should live their lives to avoid suffering.  When they are faced with hardships and struggles they assume it is punishment for their sins.  They decide that all of us – even the best of us – are miserable sinners.  It is the only explanation for why God would let the world be as it is.  For others, they simply take God out of the equation.  One of the group members said he’d been thinking about this for a while.  Why does God let us suffer? The answer that came to him was that God doesn’t let us suffer, in fact God lifts us out of our suffering.  If an individual has truly comprehended and taken into their being our oneness with God those to the left and to the right of him may drop and he will still be standing.

I have come to intellectually understand the idea of Maya (illusion).  I recognize and witness when I am sucked into the hypnotism.  When I let the opinions of other people direct my progress, I am submitting to the illusion.  When I anxiously analyze how I will achieve goals, I am trapped in the belief of the little I and it’s big ego.  I believe that seeking solitude and silence is vital in meeting with God.  I believe that the richest form of prayer is to simply listen for God’s direction.  I also believe that divine guidance is persistent and doesn’t always follow society’s rules.  I strive each day to refrain from judging for this reason.  Everyone has their role in the drama.  And the drama will only conclude when all of us release our belief in Maya and truly accept the divinity within.