This morning my inner critic came knocking. Usually I send her quickly to the corner and replace her scathing remarks with loving affirmations. Today, I said “Screw it!” and just let her talk. Let me tell you she was relentless. I was at the gym when she started in on me and in the middle of her rant the song “According to You” came on the radio. She preceded to steal some of the lyrics and spew them at me too.
Of course I couldn’t help myself and took some of the song and looked at it as a metaphorical example of my inward battle. The YOU in the song could be that little me, big ego, and inner critic that likes to keep me locked in fear and self-doubt. The HIM in the song could be the divinity within me reminding me that I am loved, perfect, and always welcome into his embrace. It’s up to me to choose who I give my power to.
Here’s the song by Orianthi. It is really just a song about two guys, but for me this morning it was a lot more. Oh, and this woman is pretty badass…talk about girl power!
Last week I added this song, by Gavin DeGraw, to my Ipod. I listened to it at the gym while riding the spin bike on Monday afternoon and a wave of emotion rushed over me. I even got tears in my eyes, which luckily blended in with the sweat rolling off my brow. I have been working for quite a while now on finding my place and purpose in this life and most of all my connection with God, but as you could probably tell by yesterday’s post, I’ve been hit with some blows. Those blows of course came in the form of criticism. I am trying very hard these days to care about myself without being selfish and to be filled with gratitude always. Last week someone called me both selfish and ungrateful. It hurt a lot but it has also made me take a look at my life and decide who I have to please here.
The further I travel on this path with an open mind and open heart, I notice the markers along the way. It amazes me the way people who share my values and interests keep popping up to offer inspiration or support. I find myself surrounded by cheerleaders and notice how the naysayers just stopped calling. I am guided to reveal myself to the right people, the ones who always seem to have an answer for me. I find books and hear songs that speak to me and give me the solutions to problems I am facing. All of this lets me know I must be doing something right. I am not going to crawl into a bed of self-doubt because someone has planted seeds of fear in me. I will not let those seeds grow. I have been trying to be an instrument through which God’s will for my life is done. I have been trying to follow my passions and nurture my talents. I have been trying to connect with others who might benefit from my words or me from theirs. I have been trying to be a better mother. “I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately!”