Incomplete Thoughts

I have three different blog posts floating through my head today.  I can’t seem to completely pull any of them together for a 500-1000 word post so I thought I’d just say a little about each.

The first thought is about privacy.  Facebook is such a freaky thing.  I’ll admit there was a time when I was really into celebrity blogs.  I visited Perez Hilton and Celebrity Baby Blog numerous times during the day.  Since I joined Facebook I rarely visit those sites.   Reading about people I know, knew, or hope to know seems to scratch that itch for me.  This week I’ve noticed a couple of cryptic status updates from folks.  They give away just enough information to make you go WAIT, WHAT?  They stir up a reaction.  Visiting the individual’s pages you see a line of people asking how they are and what’s going on.  I find myself wondering if it is better or worse that we have this public spotlight for our private matters.  On one hand you get lots of support, but is it real support?

Another issue on my mind is parent/child relationships.  In the novel I am currently writing the main character is 15 and very close with her father.  She talks to him and he listens, they respect each other, and sometimes they even act as if they are friends.    When I look around me at my husband, my friends, and the men in my church these are the kinds of fathers I see, ones who are generally interested in relating to their children.  But in response to my writing someone called the relationship weird.  So I’m wondering if I am just delusional.   Have we moved away from the “kids are to be seen and not heard” idea or not?  Is it possible for a girl to be friends with her dad or do I have some re-writing to do?

The last thought is how I’ve been a bit swallowed up.  I finally started writing this novel and it is all I can think about.  It sits in the back of my mind no matter what I am doing.  The Ray’s and White’s are demanding my attention.  I have a lot of mixed feelings on this.  On one hand it is fabulous because after a year of only writing blog posts and essays I am writing fiction again.  But it is also distracting me and I find myself losing track of my schedule, forgetting things, and neglecting healthy habits because my mind is elsewhere.  My vision of this project is exciting though.  I wonder if I can see it through.  Once it is complete I wonder what will become of it.  At writing group last night I was reminded of the work still left to do and the writing time I need but don’t have.  I have to admit, it’s frustrating and scary to think I may be traveling a path leading to a dead end, just one more book collecting cyber-dust on a shelf in my hard drive.

So that’s what’s on my mind today.  Just a few incomplete thoughts….

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Still Waiting?

When I first found out I was pregnant with both Bella and Callee, I saved the home pregnancy tests.  (I still have them floating around in a drawer somewhere and you can still see the 2 lines.)  In the first few days after taking the tests with them, I left them on the counter and would walk by, look at them and smile every time I went into the bathroom.  Yesterday I broke down and drove to the Dollar Tree and picked up a test.  I came home, took it and quickly realized there was just 1 line, negative!  It’s been sitting on the bathroom counter ever since and  when I go in there, I look at it and smile.  My “friend” finally showed up today and needless to say, I am relieved.  I know some of you were hoping for the positive and if I’d gotten it, after the initial shock wore off, I would have been thrilled.  But I am also thrilled with the negative because it has given me a clear picture of what I really want.  I am going to the doctor on Monday so that Mark can no longer ask the standard question he asks every month during that magic window, “Do you want a baby boy?”  I’m positive he doesn’t even want a baby boy, but he asks as some kind of test to see where I stand and how the release of eggs affects my brain.

So I guess another semi-dramatic moment has come to a close.  This blog will not be turning into the diary of a mad pregnant lady, to the disappointment of some of you.  After being a long-time fan of Celebrity Baby Blog, I could be a little disappointed myself.  People really love them some pregnant ladies!  OH WELL!  Life can continue as normal.  I don’t need to re-purchase all of the baby stuff I gave away when I decided, during Callee’s terrible two’s, that I was done having kids!  And I can continue to enjoy the passion and spontaneity in my marriage that got me in this predicament (of being worried about an unplanned pregnancy) in the first place.