Kim’s Click

The following “Click” is from Kim Wencl.  I connected with Kim through the Owning Pink Posse.  I was immediately drawn to her and her story.  She sent me a copy of the book it is published in and I read it and wept (you will understand more when you read below).  Weeks went by and I didn’t cross paths with Kim online, then on the day that Amy died I clicked on Owning Pink and there was a post written by Kim about dealing with the loss of a loved one.  The next day I checked my blog and Kim had left a comment for me.  I believe that the timing of this was meant to be.  Every time I think of Kim I am reminded of our connection to loved ones that have transitioned and it is no coincidence that she was back in my awareness in the days following my best friend’s death.  Thank you Kim for sharing your story and for what you represent to me!  It is obvious you came into my life for a reason…

WAITING FOR THE CLICK

When thinking about what events in my life “clicked” thus changing my life forever, I found I could narrow them down to two.

The first was September 12, 1983 – the day Elizabeth Jean came into my life. This day was also the most physically painful time of my life.  After an excruciating labor and finally a c-section, my girl was born, and when I learned what love was really all about.  Elizabeth was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.  She had a massive head of wild black hair, and the biggest blue eyes ever.  I knew she was special … but I wouldn’t know just how special until 20 years later.

The second event was September 20, 2003.  This day was the most emotionally painful day of my life – the day the physical presence of Elizabeth left me.  But, as painful as that was, it was also the day that the God of The Universe came into my life in the most real and vibrant way.  It took my breath away and propelled me through some of the most difficult days, weeks and months of my life.

Up until that day, I had a relationship with God, but he seemed to be this distant, far off deity that for a very long time I had cried out to and begged for help … but remained ever silent.  Liz’s high school years were tumultuous at best.  She was gregarious – she was a cheerleader, she got good grades … but she also smoked, she drank and she experimented with drugs.  My husband and I were beside ourselves with worry and fear.  We could never understand why she chose to do these things – couldn’t she see how they were ruining her life?

September 20th happened and it was literally the last straw.  I breathed a sigh of relief – she’s yours now God – I know you will take better care of her than I ever did.

But God was no longer a silent deity – that day he stepped into my life and became real for the first time.

He gave me peace.  Peace that Elizabeth was just fine, that I would be fine, and my family would be fine.  We would get through this very difficult, dark time in our lives, and we have.

God opened a door for me that day that I never expected to walk through … but I was offered the opportunity and I took it and once I did, I did not want to go back.

God showed me in no uncertain terms that Liz was just fine, in fact she was more than fine, she was amazing and VERY happy.  God reached out to others as well and then in turn they reached back to me.

And I could see this very real path forming in front of me – but again, it wasn’t forced on me – it was always my choice whether to take another step on the path, or completely abandon it for other avenues.  However, I have never in my entire life felt so compelled to follow a path as I have this one – I wanted to follow – I needed to follow – oh yes, I followed.

God does not disappoint.  He has led me through darkness and despair into love and laughter, but most of all to PEACE and a return to JOY.

Because he reached out to me in such a compelling, powerful, and real way, I now reach out to others through my words and my voice to share my experiences … it is but a small way to begin to repay The Universe for the abundant blessings and gifts received over the past six years.

I look forward to the day when I walk through the veil that still separates Elizabeth and me, and we are completely united.  But for now, I am so very grateful for all I have received – it is a sacred trust that can never be broken – not even by death.

Love never dies … and the bond we all share with those we love is never broken … not even by death, and that is the best news of all!

Live in PEACE – but most of all in JOY

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Seasonal Friends

My friend, Kasey, over at Midnitemonologues wrote a post about friendship a while back and included the phrase “a reason, a season, and a lifetime friend.”  The post made me start to think about my friends and particularly my seasonal friends.  When I started learning about the Law of Attraction, I quickly realized that relationships may just be the most obvious indicator of this law at work.  It seems that your attitude, thoughts, and interest determine the people you will attract into your life.  And all of the people who arrive in your life are there to help you.  If you are extremely down, it might take spending a year hanging out with Eeyore for you to realize he is a mirror of yourself and looking in that mirror pushes you towards change.

When I moved to Florida as a new mom, I wanted to connect with other moms like me.  Breastfeeding was one of the most important parenting issues to me so I attended a support group for nursing moms.  I met two friends during my first meeting and gradually our little group grew to 10 moms.  Of that group, 6 of us had had c-sections and 6 of us nursed our “babies” until they were between 2-3 years old.  We were definitely not the norm, but we all found each other and stayed connected for years.  But gradually the seasons started to change, schedules got busy, kids started preschool, misunderstandings took place, and our interests changed.  The group began to scatter as I morphed from a floundering new mom to an aspiring writer and spiritual seeker.  Old friends were less available and new friends began to arrive.

One day a neighbor knocked on our door and asked if Mark would run for our Home Owner’s Association board.  For whatever reason I said “well, I don’t think Mark could do it, but what about me?”  Next thing I know I’m on the HOA board and I’m at a meeting showing off my first published article about the Law of Attraction to my neighbor.  From that we figured out we had the same interests.  I have been introduced to so many new ideas through this friend.  She is so important to my journey. I only stayed on the HOA board for one year, but she and I have now been friends for two.

Recently I’ve watched new friends appear in my life.  I’ve also had some long lost friends reappear.  Almost all of them represent something within me that I want to bring forth.  There is Stacia who is so strong, passionate, and independent; Kasey who is loving, embracing, and supportive; Stephanie (Stacia’s sister) who is so attentive, interested, and connected with others.  It had been 20 years since I’d seen Stephanie and Stacia, and about 15 for Kasey…but it is obvious to me why they are back now.  What I observe in them is what I want to manifest in myself.  Then there are the new friends that I am watching follow their dreams and use their creativity to lead them to careers they love.  Lissa is waiting to hear about a book deal, Megan just got a job with Owning Pink, Lisa (at One Hip Mom) has started creating these beautiful dresses and other items for her own Etsy shop, and Cheryl is consciously creating a life of JOY!

So even though it is sad sometimes when the seasons change, there is always something that arrives with the new!  I’ve learned from and loved so many friends!  I can easily see the lessons from some of you and am still waiting to see what will unfold with those who’ve just arrived.  Whether it’s a season or a lifetime…you are all truly VITAL!

Trust Your Gut….SERIOUSLY!

One thing I have learned to do over the past few years is trust my instincts.  I have figured out that there is something directing me from within and it always seems to know what’s best for me.  Sometimes it leads me to people and places that don’t make a lot of sense, like when it woke me up at 3am insisting that I write a letter to a friend (whose mother was dying) and reveal all of my deepest held beliefs about God and death.  I wrote the letter and emailed it the next day.  My friend lost his mother a week later.  I don’t know what affect my letter had on his grieving process, but I do know I was meant to write it.

In particular, it is important to follow your instincts when it comes to your body and health.  When something is physically wrong with you (like my strep throat incident I wrote about) and you need to see a doctor I think your body lets you know, you sense it.  Today(7-30) I experienced the effects of not trusting my instincts in relation to my body.  On Monday, I had a doctor appointment and scheduled a procedure to take place today.  The procedure is best done when a particular window is open.  For me, the window of opportunity was there but closing quickly.  Everything in me SCREAMED to wait and schedule the procedure later.  But no, no, no…I wanted it done and wanted it done NOW.  Surely they wouldn’t have suggested it if it couldn’t be done.  My gut wouldn’t leave me alone though.  When I got home I emailed a doctor friend and asked whether or not I should cancel the appointment.  She told me it was doable and that it might hurt, but would be OK.  So against every cell in my body, I kept the appointment.

Today I went back for the procedure and HOLY CRAP!!!!!!  Let me just say that the window must be OPEN…slightly open does NOT work.  Until today, the worst pain I had ever experienced was a tie between the pitocin-induced back labor I went through with Bella and the getting out of bed for the first time after my c-sections.  Today I suffered a pain that made me cry AND pass out (well almost).  It was so painful that the procedure was not even completed.  All I can say now is: Dear sweet intuition/higher self, I am so very sorry for ignoring your pleas.  I promise from now on I will listen to you.  I will not let my impatience interfere with the messages you send me.  I totally get what you were trying to tell me, I thank you and desperately wish I’d have listened.