Ch, Ch, Change

I’ve been dealing with some anxiety this week, the kind that wakes you up at night and has you in knots during the day.  It’s sent me back to the meditation spot and had me calling on my angels before bed last night.  I did sleep peacefully last night and answers are starting to bubble up.

I’m worrying about stuff I have no control over, but the stress is coming from very real stuff in my life.  This week was a big week.  A big week that I wasn’t even acknowledging.  Yesterday I was writing to my “spiritual sorority” on FB and it was only as I was writing about Amy that I realized it was exactly 19 months yesterday that she died.  Another 25th arrived and I was feeling grief without even putting two and two together.

Other things have happened this week too.  On Sunday, I finished the first edit of my novel.  The story is how I want it to be now.  It may need some cleaning up, some added details, some punch – but the story is done.  It’s a huge moment.  On Monday I got things in order to start a part-time job.  It’s a great opportunity that I’m excited about (but I’m choosing not to give any more details other than that here on the blog).  And finally, tomorrow is my youngest daughter’s last day of preschool.  I thought I was happy about that fact until I started feeling all this anxiety.  She’s getting older and I have to let go of the reigns a little bit. I’m much more freaked about that than I realized.

My life is changing.  Over the next few months, I’ll have an entirely different schedule, with all new responsibilities.  The next chapter is beginning and I have no idea what to expect.  Even the good unknowns make me suffer a bit…but the suffering is sending me back to the silence, where I can find solace.

14 thoughts on “Ch, Ch, Change

  1. ray May 26, 2011 / 4:26 pm

    And you will deal with it just as you have dealt with everything else that’s happened since your birth. I’m not worried about you. You will be fine. Trust yourself.

  2. Megz May 26, 2011 / 11:04 pm

    Holding you deep in my heart.. Sending you peace !!

  3. Sylvia van Bruggen May 27, 2011 / 1:18 am

    Two years ago I have learned something that has become such an undeniable truth for me. I want to share it with you too: the more you fear something, the more you know that it is something you are meant to do.

    I have faith in you, and I have faith you can accomplish everything.

    Blessings to you and yours! *hugs*

    • lesleehorner May 29, 2011 / 8:22 am

      Thank you Sylvia! I def. ask myself that question in fearful moments..”Is this the fear I push through?”

  4. Renee May 27, 2011 / 7:32 am

    It’s so funny how milestones hit you. I’ve been looking forward to the day Emma graduates and I can start living the next chapter in my life. But then she took the SAT and suddenly it was all very real and I’m sad about it.

    I’m starting to wish she was just finishing preschool again.

    • lesleehorner May 29, 2011 / 8:24 am

      I’ve been “can’t waiting” for Callee to go to kindergarten for about a year now. I’m so surprised now suddenly by it hitting me. I can’t even imagine high school graduation! Good luck with that Renee! Is she starting her senior year? (It seems like just a few months ago I met you!)

      • Renee May 29, 2011 / 2:41 pm

        Yes. Her senior year. It’s amazing! And I guess it’s been 2 1/2 years now since we met … Wow!

  5. meeshelleneal May 27, 2011 / 2:17 pm

    Today I am giving my notice at work. There are also a lot of changes happening for me right now. I’m moving mid-June… I’m up for an award mid-June and my last day of full-time work will be mid-June.

    Good luck with all your changes! I look forward to reading more about them 🙂

    • lesleehorner May 29, 2011 / 8:25 am

      Good luck with your move, the award, and ending your job! You have a lot going on!!

  6. ThePioneer May 29, 2011 / 12:32 am

    I want to say something that will help you feel peace, and contentment with your own strength. How ’bout this: you an inspiration to me. I really like how you stay spiritual and gounded at the same time.

    • lesleehorner May 29, 2011 / 8:26 am

      Thank you so much and since you’ve been back to blogging I’ve been thinking the same about you!

  7. Kim May 29, 2011 / 8:41 pm

    Wow! How we tend to go in cycles. I hear you loud and clear and I send you quiet warm love… and light..


    • lesleehorner May 29, 2011 / 8:50 pm

      Thank you, Kim!

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