I’ve been dealing with some anxiety this week, the kind that wakes you up at night and has you in knots during the day. It’s sent me back to the meditation spot and had me calling on my angels before bed last night. I did sleep peacefully last night and answers are starting to bubble up.
I’m worrying about stuff I have no control over, but the stress is coming from very real stuff in my life. This week was a big week. A big week that I wasn’t even acknowledging. Yesterday I was writing to my “spiritual sorority” on FB and it was only as I was writing about Amy that I realized it was exactly 19 months yesterday that she died. Another 25th arrived and I was feeling grief without even putting two and two together.
Other things have happened this week too. On Sunday, I finished the first edit of my novel. The story is how I want it to be now. It may need some cleaning up, some added details, some punch – but the story is done. It’s a huge moment. On Monday I got things in order to start a part-time job. It’s a great opportunity that I’m excited about (but I’m choosing not to give any more details other than that here on the blog). And finally, tomorrow is my youngest daughter’s last day of preschool. I thought I was happy about that fact until I started feeling all this anxiety. She’s getting older and I have to let go of the reigns a little bit. I’m much more freaked about that than I realized.
My life is changing. Over the next few months, I’ll have an entirely different schedule, with all new responsibilities. The next chapter is beginning and I have no idea what to expect. Even the good unknowns make me suffer a bit…but the suffering is sending me back to the silence, where I can find solace.