I got back yesterday afternoon from the Goddess Retreat at Amrit Yoga Institute. I had a lot of doubts about going, but I pushed through them and in the end I found what I needed.
The retreat was Thursday through Sunday. On Wednesday night I woke up at about 2am and when I tried to fall back to sleep my mind began to race. I thought of all sorts of tragic scenarios and had myself worked up almost to a panic attack. I eventually managed to talk myself back and calm down enough to sleep. When I woke up the next morning I felt better and even thought about how crazy your mind can get in the middle of the night. Unfortunately as the morning unfolded and my departure time grew nearer the panicky feelings and worries were back. I checked the cancellation policy and even considered backing out of it. Again I talked myself down, quieted my mind and asked for a message. The message was that these were irrational fears, the kind I needed to push through. Also I felt that since last year had been such a transformative and healing experience, perhaps my ego was just fighting to keep me from switching over to Source’s side.
I’d like to say that when I arrived at Amrit a wave of peace rushed over me, but that wasn’t the case. I was still a bit worried and unsure that I’d made the right decision in going. I had a hard time relaxing and engaging during the evening introductory session. It was during the first session on Friday that I received a clear message. We had to write using several prompts. My first prompt was a card that showed a bird in a cage looking out at other birds flying outside of the cage. I felt like the picture was a mother bird fearfully watching her children fly off. Then I had to incorporate the word projections into the story. I realized that I was being that fearful mother bird, afraid to be separated from her children, projecting these frightening scenarios. Finally I had a card with the phrase “Every Reality has been focused into being by someone.” And there was my big message…watch out what you are projecting or it just might become reality.
For me the theme of the weekend was finding peace in silence. Overall the group of attendees this year were very reserved and quiet. I wasn’t really prepared for so much silence, but know that it was exactly what I needed. At first I had to work to get my obsessive mind to shut up or at least to be kind. But finally by the end of the weekend, I felt that sense of peace. I again felt safe and protected by a loving energy bigger than myself. I drove home without any worries and even saw a baby black bear cub creep out of the forest. I took that as a good sign!