My husband has taken three work trips in the past four weeks. He’s only technically been away from us for 8 nights but it’s been more stressful for me because I’ve had to worry three separate times that he makes it to and from his destination safely. As my mother always told me (and you guys might have figured out lately), I’m a worrier.
The single parent duties have been hard too. Even though the schedule doesn’t change that much with Mark gone, the energy does. I realize when he’s away just how much he grounds me, how much value he adds to my life, how much I need him.
With all that being said, I feel like one of those women in the old Calgon commercials. “Calgon, take me away!” Only thing is, I don’t have a giant bathtub or any Calgon, so I’m thinking of another option. The goddess retreat is just around the corner. I wasn’t planning on going this year, but suddenly the opportunity has presented itself and I’m trying to decide what to do.
As I do, I’ve been weighing the pros and cons in my head and asking for signs to stay or go. I’ve come up with a long list of pros and only one huge con-guilt. Guilt for spending the money and guilt for leaving the fam after we’ve been separated already so much this month. But I also know that it’s going to be a long summer and the girls are going to have an abundance of time with me so it’ll be good for them to get time with Daddy and a break from me. It’ll be good for me to recharge and center myself in preparation for the huge shift in our schedule.
As for signs, I very nonchalantly asked for a dream that would answer the question of whether or not I should attend the retreat. Sure enough, I dreamed I was there at Amrit with a group of women. I also had a second dream that I saw an old college friend and found out she was the mother of 6 kids. In the dream she was exhausted and frustrated. Maybe that was another sign of some kind…a peek into what I might feel like if I don’t step back and recharge.
But the most important aspect of this retreat is that it will allow me to go to a sacred place and focus on my relationship with the Divine. Later on today, after I brush the last particles of guilt off myself, I’m hoping to officially sign up.