Flexing the Writing Muscles

I connected with someone the other day who is thinking of starting a blog.  I told her that I loved my blog because it keeps me writing everyday.  It’s like exercise for the writing muscles.

Tonight, I sit here begrudgingly doing my work out.  I realize its a little bit hard to exercise when I’ve packed away my equipment.  I don’t want to be regurgitating the stuff I read in books on this blog anymore.  And at least for now, I don’t much want to read self-help/spiritual books either.

I had a conversation last week and someone quoted from a self-help book.  Afterward it just hit me, oh my God that’s what I sound like. I have so enjoyed all I’ve learned from my books.  They’ve been a lot like my mom’s cream corn and biscuits-made me feel full, happy, and loved.  Yet there comes a point when I need to find my own voice again.

If I’m annoyed or angry, I just want to feel that instead of trying to figure out why I have attracted this situation into my life and what I am supposed to learn from it.  I don’t want to visualize myself in my dream life because how the heck do I know if I’ll even like it once I get there?  I don’t want to go dredging through my memory bank trying to find some long-forgotten hurt so that it will explain why I haven’t dropped this last 15 pounds.  And no matter how much I want to, I can’t be convinced that everything is really perfect when from where I’m sitting a good bit of it looks like Hell.

So, I’m struggling like you wouldn’t believe to get anything onto this screen at all.  I’m really disenchanted right now and am not quite sure what to make of it.  A couple of years ago I read a book that basically in the intro said that you shouldn’t read it or any book like it.  Supposedly the answers are already where you need them-inside you.  I’m not sure if I believe that in this moment either, but I know at the very least I’ve got to clear things out for a while.


9 thoughts on “Flexing the Writing Muscles

  1. Renee January 31, 2011 / 7:56 am

    I had a very long and much-needed conversation with an old friend who happens to also be a writer. She has a blog and she was saying how she doesn’t feel like it means anything and that it has nothing to do with writing because it isn’t the writing she wants to be doing as a career. I said exactly the same to her as you wrote today: it’s exercise for the writing muscles.

    I don’t think what’s important is how often you post and maybe it’s not even about what you post. It’s about posting anything at all, to keep your brain wired the right way.

  2. Ches January 31, 2011 / 10:55 am

    I’ve got something JUST for you comin up. Heh.

  3. John Ballantrae January 31, 2011 / 11:01 am

    Dear Leslee:
    The Lovers card – remember The Lovers? – is sometimes called The Two Paths, and shows a young man standing at crossroads. One on side is his mother – who represents what he has been taught. On the other is his wife – who represents the new life he can lead.

    He has to choose; or rather, he can choose which path to follow.

    The question is not so much: Should I do some particular thing, or should I follow some course of action – then look for an answer or permission or some kind of validation.

    It’s more that we can do what we desire, so the question is: HOW should I do some particular thing, or HOW should I follow this course of action.

    What are you choosing?

  4. Rena January 31, 2011 / 12:00 pm

    Once again Leslee I think it is uncanny how connected we all are. I just posted today’s article at SSI and I swear it seems custom-written for you. You are completely normal and what you are feeling right now is what I call Spiritual Saturation.

    Take the break you need. What you are actually experiencing is the segue into spiritual adulthood. Many people live an entire lifetime and don’t arrive to the place you are now. That is a profound reason to celebrate! Thanks, as always for sharing your journey with your readers–you keep it real and inspire other s to keep it real too. You can read about Spiritual Saturation here http://soulsaloninternational.com/spiritual-saturation/ and I am interested to know if that resonates with you.

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  6. lesleehorner January 31, 2011 / 1:57 pm

    Thank you guys for responding! Renee-I’m going to have to get a bit more creative with my blog posts in the coming weeks. Working the muscles a little differently is good too I suppose. Ches-I read your post, thanks for the inspiration. Rena-I tried to click on yours but couldn’t get to it, I’ll have to keep trying. John-I’m going to have to think about these two paths some more and what I’m choosing…

    On another note, I wanted to add something to the post itself. I realized my observation that things look more like Hell than perfection could have been easily misinterpreted. I wanted to chime in and say that was a reference to the world in general not to my particular situation. I am blessed with two sweet little girls, an amazing husband, and a great community but I do often worry A LOT about the future of my country and humanity at large. Anyway, I am very very lucky for the life I have but definitely observe the “wrongs” in the world.

    • Renee January 31, 2011 / 2:05 pm

      The way I stay sane is to put everything in context and educate myself as much as possible on history. That helps me realize that there is nothing new going on in the world. We’ve done it all before and it’s going to turn out as it’s going to turn out. Human nature, unfortunately, is pretty standard.

      I recommend reading “Only Yesterday.” I can’t remember off the top of my head who the author is, but it’s a book about the 1920s published in 1931, so the perspective is very interesting. Things today are very much like they were then.

    • Ches January 31, 2011 / 2:53 pm

      Nothing wrong with observation. Good research, as it were. LOL Most of that was for someone else. You…I think you are holding on to some things that are causing conflict by way of doubts and worries that you’re not doing ‘it’ right. Right is what works when it works. If the books worked back then, great. If you’re having issues with applying what you’ve learned in them once upon a time, time to learn or do something new that’s more in line with the you now. Personally, I think you’ve gotten together enough of a message to step out and deliver it!

  7. meeshelleneal January 31, 2011 / 6:53 pm

    As much as these books can teach us, it can also be good to take a break for a while.
    All the best!!

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