The month of December is here. Another year is winding to a close. Crazy! Time is moving so fast these days, my brain can barely keep up. 2010 did not bring big changes the way 2009 did. I think that is for the best. There is only so much a girl can handle.
My 2010 vision board was filled with spiritual pictures representing prayer, meditation, and contemplation. My 2010 tarot card was The Hierophant which to me represented a spiritual teacher (whether finding one or being one). I found a teacher in my friend, Mildred and I did become a teacher to the kids at church. To an extent though, I let my ego take the wheel back this year.
I meditated less this year then I have in the last three. What had been a disciplined twice-a-day-every-day practice became a sometimes event. I let anxiety creep back in at a level I haven’t felt in years. I spent a lot more time with my thoughts on the future or the past then on the present moment. Basically, I lost sight of the most important resolution I made last year.
In the coming weeks, I should receive in the mail the letter I wrote to God last year at church. We do this every year so that we can see what our intentions were and whether or not we allowed them to manifest through us. I’m pretty sure my intention was to simply let God lead the way. I wanted to surrender fully and become an instrument. It’s the same request I made and released into the fire at the Goddess weekend back in June.
Ever since my busy summer, I’ve found that things have been too noisy inside my head to hear that still small voice of God. I get ideas and I don’t know where they’re coming from. Is it my ego trying to make something happen or God encouraging me to let something happen? I really can’t tell! There was a time when I wrote so assuredly about listening to inner wisdom and knowing the right thing to do. These days, I don’t seem to know anything.
At the beginning of this week I sat down to meditate. These days when I do that a thousand thoughts bombard me, but in this particular session I found ample silence to hear something. It was a pretty clear message that I should have written down because right now I can’t quite recall it. The gist is that I have tuned God out lately and it’s time to tune back in. I need to listen with my whole being in each and every moment.
Committing to a spirit-led life isn’t a one time promise you make, it is a daily, hour to hour, minute to minute practice you engage in. At the end of this year it is ever clear to me that I must re-engage!