November is Here

Boy oh boy, where has the time gone?  This year (meaning school year) is flying by.  It has already been jammed packed full of engagements, happy and sad, planned and unexpected.  I’ve made the 9 hour drive to NC twice, for a funeral and for a wedding.  I’ve been to Disney World and a church retreat.  Most recently I spent a week at home with a sick child doing little more than worrying and waiting.  And now it is November…

Things are not really slowing down this month, but I am realizing I need to.  I need to spend some time in Gratitude.  I am lucky for so much in my life.  Even the sad moments have brought their own gifts.  I posted that song “You’re Gonna Miss This” on the blog on Saturday.  It reminded me that I have still not shed my habit of wanting to get “somewhere.”  There was a verse in the song that talked about the newly married couple and their one bedroom apartment.  Our last year in Columbus, OH, Mark and I lived in a one bedroom apartment on the top floor of a 100 year old house.  The heat barely worked and there was no air conditioning.  Although it had character, I couldn’t wait to get out of there and find our real place in this world…the town and the house.  Ten years later, when I think of my very favorite place we lived, it’s that one bedroom apartment.

This year is Callee’s last year in preschool and last year spending the majority of her day home with me.  I think it is this fact and maybe being 35 that has put me into a minor (mid)life crisis.  The clock I set for myself is ticking.  I would say I’m like Cinderella, but I’m not because I’m actually watching it tick instead of getting lost in the moment.  I’m not really savoring this chapter of motherhood.  Instead my patience is growing thin and my little girl is not getting the best of me.  I keep saying I’ll do better tomorrow.

And what was the point of this post…oh yeah, Gratitude.  Aside from my precious family, recently I have found that I am filled with the most joy when I am teaching my kids at church.  They are 10-14 years old, the age that as a public school teacher I once swore I wanted nothing to do with.  I realize now how wrong that assessment was.  We have so much fun and every time I leave them it is with a smile on my face.  Although I still have doubts about my planning and organizational skills, I am so thankful I get to walk with these great kids down our spiritual path!

If you have managed to make it through this scattered post, I will admit that I sat down with no clue what I would write about.  I think it pretty much explains my state of mind in this moment.  I am spending my time both pointlessly and productively.  I am inwardly being whiney and grateful.  I, myself, am having a difficult time making sense of me today.

 

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7 thoughts on “November is Here

  1. AvionicsMan November 3, 2010 / 8:17 am

    Great story!! I can remember some if the crazy basement suites I lived in 20 years ago. Greatful for the memories glad I got the heck out.

    Cheers

    • lesleehorner November 3, 2010 / 8:30 am

      Hey there! Thanks for the comment! In the case of that apartment, it definitely left an impression more so than any of the college-kid-filled apartment complexes we lived in.

  2. Jenny Defx November 3, 2010 / 8:39 am

    Spiritual growth is a process, a journey…not a final destination.

  3. gratefulkim November 3, 2010 / 9:52 am

    Boy oh boy do I relate to that line of yours, “…habit of wanting to get ‘somewhere'”. I’m 45. Everyday I wonder what I’m going to be when I grow up. My kids are 11 and 15 so talk about time speeding by! Pretty soon one of them will be out of the house and I don’t know what I’ll do with myself. If it weren’t for a deep trust within my soul that answers will always come, I’d have hung up my hat a long time ago. It’s these kinds of moments of anxiety that cause us to ask more questions, and hope the answers show up in big, Hollywood Marquis-type notifications so we don’t miss them. LOL. My biggest issue is that I’m not making much money right now, but I’m totally passionate about what I’m doing with Zumba. Major conflict. Thanks for always keeping your writing real and helping me to know there are others out there with the same ol’ types of struggles. 🙂
    Kim

  4. johnballantrae November 3, 2010 / 12:28 pm

    Dear Leslee:
    Just so you know, from 24 to 34 is like a little life within a life, but there is a change at 34 and you begin a new little life within a life from 34 to 45. Repeating or duplicating the circumstances and conditions of the earlier period doesn’t always work. It sounds like it’s time for a new direction.

    • lesleehorner November 3, 2010 / 12:40 pm

      Thank you John. As much as I have been wallowing and taking on a sort of pessimist’s stance, I do feel that this uneasiness is a positive indicator of positive change (I hope). I just keep wondering when I’m going to break through the wall…

      PS: Got your click, thank you! It will be up tomorrow!

  5. meeshelleneal November 3, 2010 / 1:35 pm

    Aww! I love that your favourite place to live was the one-bedroom apartment. It is so true that we need to find the little things to enjoy on a daily basis and seek gratitude to encourage a feeling of satisfaction.

    I’ve been playing a game on the computer and even in that game I keep wanting to ‘get to the next phase’ but the whole point of playing is to explore each level as it is – getting to the end of the game will just end it. It’s such a simple concept yet one that I constantly need to remind myself of, each moment is special.

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