Boy oh boy, where has the time gone? This year (meaning school year) is flying by. It has already been jammed packed full of engagements, happy and sad, planned and unexpected. I’ve made the 9 hour drive to NC twice, for a funeral and for a wedding. I’ve been to Disney World and a church retreat. Most recently I spent a week at home with a sick child doing little more than worrying and waiting. And now it is November…
Things are not really slowing down this month, but I am realizing I need to. I need to spend some time in Gratitude. I am lucky for so much in my life. Even the sad moments have brought their own gifts. I posted that song “You’re Gonna Miss This” on the blog on Saturday. It reminded me that I have still not shed my habit of wanting to get “somewhere.” There was a verse in the song that talked about the newly married couple and their one bedroom apartment. Our last year in Columbus, OH, Mark and I lived in a one bedroom apartment on the top floor of a 100 year old house. The heat barely worked and there was no air conditioning. Although it had character, I couldn’t wait to get out of there and find our real place in this world…the town and the house. Ten years later, when I think of my very favorite place we lived, it’s that one bedroom apartment.
This year is Callee’s last year in preschool and last year spending the majority of her day home with me. I think it is this fact and maybe being 35 that has put me into a minor (mid)life crisis. The clock I set for myself is ticking. I would say I’m like Cinderella, but I’m not because I’m actually watching it tick instead of getting lost in the moment. I’m not really savoring this chapter of motherhood. Instead my patience is growing thin and my little girl is not getting the best of me. I keep saying I’ll do better tomorrow.
And what was the point of this post…oh yeah, Gratitude. Aside from my precious family, recently I have found that I am filled with the most joy when I am teaching my kids at church. They are 10-14 years old, the age that as a public school teacher I once swore I wanted nothing to do with. I realize now how wrong that assessment was. We have so much fun and every time I leave them it is with a smile on my face. Although I still have doubts about my planning and organizational skills, I am so thankful I get to walk with these great kids down our spiritual path!
If you have managed to make it through this scattered post, I will admit that I sat down with no clue what I would write about. I think it pretty much explains my state of mind in this moment. I am spending my time both pointlessly and productively. I am inwardly being whiney and grateful. I, myself, am having a difficult time making sense of me today.