Some time ago, maybe two years, I reached out for spiritual answers through “automatic writing.” This is a much more woo-woo way of saying soul-writing or journaling. It was at a point where I was quite certain I needed a spiritual teacher. I’d been informed by various people that everyone needs a real-life teacher. You can’t get there with books alone. I asked my journal, or asked God through my journal, who would be my teacher. The answer that came into my head and onto the page was JESUS.
At that time I’d just bought A Course In Miracles which is supposedly a curriculum by Jesus (through Helen Schucman). I started reading the text but didn’t complete it and didn’t even begin on the student workbook. The book is a lot to grasp, I’d say in parts it is as tricky to decode as the Bible. And to some extent I was as skeptical of it as I am the Bible. After reading over 700 pages of it (it’s over 1000 pages) 400 pages of the almost 700 page text, I put it aside and have only thought of it on a few occasions. (One of those occasions was when I was bringing the blog back and I considered making it an ACIM themed blog.)
So the idea of learning from Jesus through A Course In Miracles has been a seedling in my brain for a while. This week I read the last two books in the Reflections of the Christ Mind series by Paul Ferrini. Just as Helen Schucman before him, he feels and claims that the content of his books came directly from Jesus. When you read it you feel as if you are having a modern day conversation with the Savior himself. The teachings are exactly what resonates with me and nothing like what I heard in the Baptist church that reminded us again and again that without accepting Christ we’d suffer for eternity in Hell.
The last book in the series mostly came from Paul Ferrini himself. He talked about how he came to accept Jesus as his teacher. He was raised Jewish and wasn’t necessarily open to the Christian concept of the son of God. But in a moment of darkness in his life, a voice came to him and guided him. Later he would realize this presence was Jesus. Along his path he found A Course in Miracles and although skeptical of it’s origin found that the teachings were in line with the Christ he knew. Through reading what was in essence his testimony, I came to understand the true meaning of accepting Jesus Christ as your savior. It is not a process in which you take a vow and start going to church. Instead it is about going within, asking Christ to guide you, and being open to that guidance without inserting your ego into the mix. We really can know Jesus.
I had such an experience some time ago (of truly feeling Jesus was with me). I’d had an encounter with someone who had accused me of worshiping false Gods and being a voice for the devil. But what I felt in my heart was that I’d learned that I could commune with God and Jesus in silence. I’d even felt that a lot of what came to me through meditations, books I found, and people I met were messages about Reality from God. So after this run-in, I wanted to prove to myself that Jesus was with me too. That night in bed I asked Jesus for a sign. It may have all been in my head but I swear that I felt the palms of my hands and my feet tingle. In the next moment I heard “Forgive them for they know not what they do.”
Since that night I’ve still struggled with my relationship with Jesus. Because of the religious influences in my life it is often hard for me to separate the loving, forgiving brother and wayshower with the God up on the cross that I am supposed to bow down to. In my attempts to analyze this I’ve even questioned his very existence at all. This week I had the opportunity to hear a call in the form of those books. It reminded me that there is a teacher out there for me and all I need to do is commit to finding quiet time to commune with him and follow the example he set. The Christ is within all of us, it’s just up to us if we want to meet him there.