Breathing Instead of Bailing

In case you haven’t noticed, I trashed the “What No Longer Serves You” post.  Since I decided to return here to this space I didn’t want my bailing out post to be hanging out there anymore.  Obviously, bailing wasn’t the answer to my search.  It reminded me more than anything that I’m still searching and it sucks to not be able to talk about it.  It seems a bit silly, but I realized coming here gives me a sense of purpose.  It exercises my craft but more importantly it exercises my soul.  When I take my reactions and my feelings and I put them into words and out into the world I learn more about who I am and where I’m going.

I physically bailed on this blog on August 27th when I published that last post, but I mentally bailed at the beginning of the summer.  At that point I lost touch with friends (such as Musing Madman) who challenged me and helped guide my spiritual development, I stopped making time for silence, and I let my mind carry me to the future far too often.  I spent oh so many hours dwelling on goals and desires that I fear will never come to fruition.  I let the fears grip me to the point of paralysis.  I let gratitude slide and my breathing become shallow.

I mention breath because it really is a metaphor for life.  Shallow breath usually comes along with anxious feelings and anxious feelings usually accompany shallow thoughts.  When you breathe deeply and consciously, you can’t help but live that way too.  I’m reading the Paul Ferrini book, Silence of the Heart, now.  It begins with a few pages about breath.  It points out that whenever you are upset you can stop and observe that you are not breathing (or not breathing deeply).  If in that moment you take a few deep breaths you will feel some relief from that angst.  “One who breathes is not afraid or overwhelmed by what life presents….”

I hope that this post is the first of many.  I hope I can find solace and inspiration in both the silence and the breath.  I know I have experienced great peace from them in the past.  Yet in the moment, returning to that peace is a challenge that should be easy but strangely isn’t.  I took a minor detour on my path to self-discovery.  I lost myself a bit in fear.  I wanted answers that are simply not ready for me yet.  Now I’m easing my way back to surrender…


9 thoughts on “Breathing Instead of Bailing

  1. Renee October 4, 2010 / 7:04 am

    You and I have talked a lot about our stat obsession and how many hits we were getting. Remember we said how that gets in the way of our enjoyment of just writing to write?

    I found that when I let go of caring how many people were reading my blog, it took the pressure off. I now write when I want and what I want and I don’t worry about disappointing anyone except myself. It’s much more enjoyable experience that way.

    Glad you’re back. I missed reading you!

    • lesleehorner October 6, 2010 / 10:06 am

      I’m glad to be back and glad to see you here, Renee. I have realized this week that I really enjoy blogging. I’ve been in “the zone” several times working on the blog and it has been a while since I’ve been in that space!

  2. Anna Grant October 4, 2010 / 7:14 am

    While breathing exercises may produce various positive and negative effects, the crucial thing about understanding breathing is to know about our automatic or basal breathing patterns. How should we breathe for maximum body oxygenation? What are the exact numbers for breathing rates and corresponding body oxygenation parameters? Here is the answer:

    • lesleehorner October 6, 2010 / 10:04 am

      Thanks for the information!

  3. Winslow October 4, 2010 / 8:31 am

    What’s so wonderful about your openness and honesty is that whatever you share all seems part of the process. I think you could have left that post as it was, and then continued with your new ones (“I’m back!”) You are a human being so many of us can relate to – and I, for one, love following the journey wherever it takes you. Hugs and thanks!

    • lesleehorner October 6, 2010 / 10:03 am

      Thank you Winslow!

  4. Candie Goodwin October 4, 2010 / 1:21 pm

    I’m glad you are back, your blog really does give me so much food for thought. Today, I’m taking away “making time for silence”. I read that over and over and realized I do whatever I can do avoid silence…. maybe not literally because I sit here today working in total silence but reading emails, checking Facebook, making a phone call here and there all fill the silence. I never thought about the fact that I need silence to allow my thoughts to fluorish, good or bad and I think I’ll make some time for it right now. Thanks Les. See you soon.

    • lesleehorner October 6, 2010 / 10:03 am

      Candie, Thank you so much. This means a lot to me! Looking forward to seeing you this weekend!

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