Today I am Turtle

*I wrote this last Friday.  I’ve been resistant about posting it, but ultimately have decided to.  I’ll explain more on that after you’ve read it.*

We don’t have HBO so over the last couple of years we have watched Entourage on DVD through Netflix.  The long awaited season 6 arrived in the mail on Wednesday and we watched the first four episodes.  This season is thus far not nearly as exciting as the previous seasons, but I do love all the characters.

First you have Vince who is the center of the Entourage universe.  He moves through life with ease and optimism.  He is incredibly generous, showering his friends with lavish gifts.  Even when things go south he always believes they will improve and of course they do.  He can charm the socks off of anyone, male or female.  And when he says farewell to yet another one-night-stand, the word “jerk” never enters your mind.  He’s lovable and enviable almost every step of the way.

Next you have Eric (E).  Eric is the first of the three guys riding on Vince’s coat-tails.  He is responsible, honest, and ethical.  He struggles with the playboy lifestyle because he can’t seem to shake the romantic side of himself.  In relationships with women he wears his heart on his sleeve.  He’s Vince’s best friend and manager.  He does an incredible job for Vince but can’t seem to build up his own business by managing anyone else successfully.

Drama is Vince’s brother and also an actor.  He is a struggling actor though, who finally in season 5 gets a gig on a TV program.   As long as I’ve been watching the show I’ve thought he had missed his calling.  The character seems happiest when he is making a gourmet meal for his friends.  He prides himself in being well-groomed and put together physically.  He is however, socially awkward with some serious anger management issues.  He is more than happy to let his brother pay his way if need be.

The last character I’ll mention in this post is Turtle.  Turtle is Vince’s friend, driver, and errand runner (basically).  He has some really great ideas, but lacks the follow through.  When he’s not taking care of Vince or hanging out with the boys, he’s smoking pot and wishing he could make something happen.  Meanwhile Vince treats him wonderfully and on the most recent episode we watched even bought him a Ferrari.  In this particular episode Turtle is in the midst of a “crisis” because he turns 30 and realizes that everything he has is really Vince’s.  He wants to make something of himself.  He wants to be able to give back.

I realized as I watched the show this week that I relate to Turtle so much.  When I am not taking care of and spending time with my family, I am goofing off online (my version of Turtle’s pot).  I have this amazing, wonderful, Ferrari of a life that I am so grateful for…but I have it because of my husband and all his hard work and success.   My grandest achievements (Bella and Callee) wouldn’t be here without the help from my husband.  So I am feeling the itch.  I want to accomplish something great all on my own.  I want to give back to my family in the ways my husband has.  I don’t yet see the clear path to that, but I do so long for it.

Perhaps it will take becoming a “Vince” to see it through…

*So this post has really been bugging me.  Something about writing it made me feel…guilty.  I knew for starters that it sounds very narcissistic and maybe a touch ungrateful.  But tonight after meeting with a friend/spiritual companion I realize how ego-rific it is.  There’s nothing spiritual here…just little ole me vying for some validation from this world we live in.  I must get back to my regular meditation practice.  I really need to reconnect with Spirit.*


5 thoughts on “Today I am Turtle

  1. Renee August 25, 2010 / 7:00 am

    I don’t think it’s narcissistic at all! I think you’re having very normal feelings.

    • lesleehorner August 25, 2010 / 8:03 am

      Maybe I should take the disclaimer out…maybe that part makes it more narcissistic. 🙂

      • Renee August 25, 2010 / 8:10 am

        Nah. It’s how you feel, even if it’s irrational. 🙂

        We all have our moments.

  2. ray August 25, 2010 / 6:52 pm

    ah, labels…

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