It’s Wednesday night. After I write this I am going into my bedroom to finish packing. Tomorrow I am fulfilling one of my New Year’s wishes and heading to the Amrit Yoga Institute for the annual Goddess weekend. I haven’t talked about it to too many people because I didn’t expect to be going and only decided to go about 4 weeks ago when other summer plans fell through.
I went on this retreat two years ago and a part of me has longed to go back ever since. Two years ago it was one of the most relaxing and transformative weekends in a very long time. That weekend I discovered that I LOVE to paint, although I’m not incredibly good at it. I painted this huge painting and put a little queen in the corner. When I came home and displayed the picture, Mark asked me why I had painted the Burger King. Sure enough upon further observation I realized my queen looked more like that strange mascot on the commercials than what I’d intended her to be.
I know more what I am getting into this year. I am trying to let go of expectations though. I have in moments wondered what I will express through painting this time. I have been through quite a bit since I was last at Amrit. I wonder if I will express through color the spectrum of emotions I’ve experienced. I am certainly not the same person I was two years ago.
When I was last there we explored archetypes. Mine was the magical child. It feels like the magical child influence is no longer prevalent in my life. I’ve been initiated into a different kind of adulthood now, the kind where you really know what loss feels like.
So as you read this on Friday, I am re-connecting and re-charging. I am on the retreat my soul has been yearning for. I am grateful for the opportunity to do this and hope to come back a little better than I am as I pack…
Here’s a picture of the painting I did two years ago: