I have mentioned my goals here before.  I think even in one post I stated how the first time I attended my Unity church and listened to Rev. Jean give the talk a little voice within me whispered “I want to do that.”  When I first started on this journey a few years ago, I seemed to make a lot of progress quickly.  I was ready to shout from the rooftops about all I’d learned and the positive changes I’d made.  I would imagine myself giving talks at church and leading workshops.  Aside from facilitating a book group, no other opportunities arose for me to be a “spiritual teacher.”  And over time, I realized there was a lot I needed to learn.  There still is a lot I need to learn.  In fact, I hope I never stop learning and questioning.

Last week my book group gathered for the last time.  We’d spent seven weeks asking ourselves questions and exploring them through journaling.  I was reminded of what I really want to do, which is be a messenger.  I have answered that calling by starting this blog.  It’s easy for me to share my thoughts and ideas in writing.  I would also like to share them through speaking.  If I take fear and self-consciousness out of the equation…that is what I want to do.

This summer Rev. Jean is taking a sabbatical.  She will be away from church for eight Sundays.  Today she announced that there is a sign up sheet and congregants are invited to volunteer to help out while she is away.  One of the ways you can help is by offering to present a Sunday message.  A part of me responded.  Here’s your chance. It was quickly shot down by the fear voice though.

So what I’d really like to do is overcome the fear.  It seems like this is an opportunity that I can seize or miss.  If I miss it, I’m sure to regret that more than I would anything embarrassing that might happen during my talk.  When I first heard about the sabbatical I’d wondered who would fill in for our minister.  I’d even secretly wished someone would personally ask me.  You see, if I’m personally asked, don’t I have to say yes?

So I’m still not really sure what I’ll do.  Maybe next week, I’ll put my name on the clipboard or maybe I’ll give in to the fear.  If I take this step, it feels as if it is getting me ever closer to where I most want to be…


13 thoughts on “Steps…

  1. Renee April 19, 2010 / 7:33 am

    In the immortal words of Nike: JUST DO IT!

  2. Toby Clark April 19, 2010 / 9:31 am

    Leslee…you can do it. Sign up, and start gathering ideas for what you want to say. You will regret it if you do not, and this could be the first stepping stone to something more. To me, public speaking is easy, but I understand your fear…it is completely normal. But Do Not Give In To The Fear!

  3. Kiva April 19, 2010 / 9:46 am

    Ditto what Renee says! Just make a joke ahead of time in case ya do trip over your tongue. LOL

  4. Rob April 19, 2010 / 9:49 am

    Tap on the fear…..once or twice a day should do the trick.

  5. Ray April 19, 2010 / 11:50 am

    You would be fantastic at this. I think the congregation would be missing something wonderful if you give into the fear.

    You say that you secretly wished someone would ask you to do it. Well, I’m asking. Would you do it? Would you share your insights and tell a bit about the steps you’ve made on your journey?

    I know it isn’t nearly so easy, but you’ve found a group here who already value how eloquently you share your experiences, especially the very human and often difficult ones. Just expand that group a little. Just a room-full… 🙂

    • lesleehorner April 19, 2010 / 12:28 pm

      Thank you so much Ray!

  6. rageomatic April 19, 2010 / 2:21 pm

    Forgive me if I am terribly bigoted here, but if I understand correctly you are going to a unitarian church…and I mean…uh….it’s not like you can offend them, hon.

    I mean they have an eclectic theology, you can’t say anything wrong, right?

    The first time I spoke in a church I always shared my testimony, how I got there. Everybody likes those and it’s easy. I think you should and can do this.

    • Renee April 19, 2010 / 2:26 pm

      I believe Leslee attends a Methodist church.

    • lesleehorner April 19, 2010 / 2:34 pm

      Hey there! It’s been a long time since you’ve been by! I go to a Unity church, which from what I know is VERY close to unitarian…so yeah, I’m not worried about offending anyone. It’s just whether or not I can talk about something for an extended period of time. I don’t know that I’ve ever given a speech that lasted more than 5-10 minutes, but I was a teacher in my last life (before motherhood).

      Glad to see you! I was wondering if you’d read any of my recent posts. Also, I’m still hoping your wife will send me a click story. Been meaning to email her or visit her blog and comment!

      • Renee April 19, 2010 / 2:42 pm

        I stand corrected! Sorry. 🙂

        Why did I think it was Methodist?

      • lesleehorner April 19, 2010 / 3:20 pm

        I don’t know, Renee… I did write about a Methodist minister I met at a workshop one day though…maybe that was it.

  7. heather April 21, 2010 / 11:08 am

    Leslee, for what it is worth… I have to speak publicly almost everyday. In the hours or moments leading up to the parting of my lips, I am afraid. Every-single-time. I am anxious and worried about how it will come out, will it be persuasive? what will people think of me? Will I do my job to the best of my ability? I have never been as terrified as I was at Amy’s funeral. But each time, the fear melts away once my voice goes out.

    You can do it. Push that fear down and let your voice rise up. Afterwards, you will be glad you did. You have plenty of messages to share, and I know you can do it.

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