I have mentioned my goals here before. I think even in one post I stated how the first time I attended my Unity church and listened to Rev. Jean give the talk a little voice within me whispered “I want to do that.” When I first started on this journey a few years ago, I seemed to make a lot of progress quickly. I was ready to shout from the rooftops about all I’d learned and the positive changes I’d made. I would imagine myself giving talks at church and leading workshops. Aside from facilitating a book group, no other opportunities arose for me to be a “spiritual teacher.” And over time, I realized there was a lot I needed to learn. There still is a lot I need to learn. In fact, I hope I never stop learning and questioning.
Last week my book group gathered for the last time. We’d spent seven weeks asking ourselves questions and exploring them through journaling. I was reminded of what I really want to do, which is be a messenger. I have answered that calling by starting this blog. It’s easy for me to share my thoughts and ideas in writing. I would also like to share them through speaking. If I take fear and self-consciousness out of the equation…that is what I want to do.
This summer Rev. Jean is taking a sabbatical. She will be away from church for eight Sundays. Today she announced that there is a sign up sheet and congregants are invited to volunteer to help out while she is away. One of the ways you can help is by offering to present a Sunday message. A part of me responded. Here’s your chance. It was quickly shot down by the fear voice though.
So what I’d really like to do is overcome the fear. It seems like this is an opportunity that I can seize or miss. If I miss it, I’m sure to regret that more than I would anything embarrassing that might happen during my talk. When I first heard about the sabbatical I’d wondered who would fill in for our minister. I’d even secretly wished someone would personally ask me. You see, if I’m personally asked, don’t I have to say yes?
So I’m still not really sure what I’ll do. Maybe next week, I’ll put my name on the clipboard or maybe I’ll give in to the fear. If I take this step, it feels as if it is getting me ever closer to where I most want to be…