Jeff’s Click

The following is another great story from an interesting Tweep!  You can follow Jeff on Twitter here. I am ever-grateful that he approached me and offered to send in his “click story.”  Enjoy!!


So let me set the scene.  It was 2000, my wife and I had been married for 2 years, and we had decided it was time to start a family. (Ah, the blissful ignorance of youth). Because of my job at the time and some upcoming changes with it, we thought we’d try to “time” the pregnancy so as to be more ready for it financially…and yes, I’m aware that all you parents out there are doubled over in laughter with that last statement. That was about as likely as accurately timing Charlie Sheen’s next meltdown.

We started out by saying “OK, let’s say it takes us 6 months to get pregnant…plus 9 months of pregnancy…yeah, that should work out about right.” Besides the fact that we were thumbing our noses at Murphy’s Law, this brilliant analysis failed to consider several factors, not the least of which would be the unexpected enthusiasm that my, uh… “swimmers” would have for the project.  We’re talking Michael Phelps type stuff here. Ruthless.

So, as fate would have it, we found ourselves staring at that little blue plus sign THE FIRST MONTH WE TRIED.  This was a mixed blessing for me.  Of course there was the joy that we were going to have A baby (more on that later), but on the other hand I got screwed (pun intended) out of at least a FEW months of trying! Kind of a rip-off there if you ask me.  Strangely, my wife was entirely unsympathetic to my plight. Women.

At about 10 weeks or so (give or take), we were at the OB’s office for the first prenatal visit.  Everything was going swimmingly (see what I did there?)  Weight? Check. Morning sickness? None. Fetal heartbeat? Check. Okay, I guess we’re good, right? The OB, a friend of mine, casually offered to check an ultrasound. “It’s not necessary, since we’ve already heard THE heartbeat” he said, “but if you guys want to just see what things look like at this early stage, we can take a quick peek. You’ll really only be able to see A little ball attached to the uterus.” We looked at each other and shrugged…why not?

The first surprise, which would pale in comparison to the second, involved the actual mechanics of the ultrasound… a “transvaginal” ultrasound.  (Again, I hear all you ladies snickering out there). I didn’t anticipate the doctor pulling out what could easily have passed for a… let’s say “toy”, slapping a condom and some lube on it, and proceeding to violate my wife right in front of me.  Um…OK.  We can all be adults about this, right?  But then, as he moved the probe around and studied the screen, he began to chuckle.  Now hold the phone here, is he enjoying this?  What the hell could be so funny?  He turns to us, points at a little round ball on the screen, and says “well, what you see there is ONE baby…” (pardon me?), then adjusts the probe and points to what is evidently NOT the same round ball, and says “and there’s the OTHER baby.”

WTF?  After pulling my jaw up from the floor and calling a code blue for my now only semi-conscious wife, I looked at the doctor and through the fog could only manage to say “TWINS?”. No stranger to the look of complete bewilderment on my face, I’m sure, he just smiled and said “congratulations.” That moment is etched in my brain for all time.  But in a good way, not like when they brand a defenseless cow or something.
In short, our lives changed forever that day, and the absurd fantasy of planning something on an actual SCHEDULE became a distant memory, almost like an old wive’s tale. Nobody really believes in that stuff anymore, do they?  But it’s been an incredible journey.
By the way, I still want those 5 months of “trying” back. I’m serious.


44 thoughts on “Jeff’s Click

  1. Shelle-Blokthoughts March 2, 2010 / 10:55 am

    LOL that was excellent! My husband and I were the same way with the trying! I’m fertile mertile–or his swimmers are strong!

    However we did NOT have twins 🙂

    Great post!

    • Jeff March 2, 2010 / 5:50 pm

      Yes, the force was strong with us.

      We definitely breathed a sigh of relief when we saw just ONE baby the second time we got pregnant!

  2. kitterztoo March 2, 2010 / 10:56 am

    I remember the shock of finding out I was pregnant the first time. I don’t know how well I would’ve handled twins. I feel your shock as if I were right there! Excellent story!

    • Jeff March 2, 2010 / 5:52 pm

      Thank you very much!

      I’m not sure I’ve ever been more shocked in my life.

  3. Twenty Four At Heart March 2, 2010 / 10:58 am

    Loved this! Jeff, you’re a great writer. I look forward to you starting your own blog SOON. I will be your very first reader! : )

    • Jeff March 2, 2010 / 5:54 pm

      Thanks so much for your kind words!!

      Not too sure about being a writer, but I’m toying with the blog idea now.

      I appreciate the encouragement!

  4. Piper March 2, 2010 / 11:04 am

    Twins are one way to efficiently use both breasts.

    No matter how well you plan, children consistently and continually are surprises. It starts with their conception and just never stops.

    You should write more, Jeff. You have a knack!

    • Jeff March 2, 2010 / 5:56 pm

      Oh yes, the surprises continue to this day. They are both girls, so I’m already pricing shotguns.

      I may well do more writing. Thanks for the compliment!!

  5. Amy(aka Southernlady75) March 2, 2010 / 11:57 am

    Very well written. Good Job Jeff. I have an odd story too.Maybe one day I’ll have to share…lol

    • Jeff March 2, 2010 / 5:58 pm

      Yes, you should share your story.

      Would love to hear it!

  6. tena March 2, 2010 / 11:59 am

    Nice post.

    You do deserve those 5 months of trying back, but you can’t blame your wife for being a little gun shy!

    • Jeff March 2, 2010 / 6:00 pm

      Thank you!!

      Yes, there are definitely risks involved when you’re as potent as I am. 😉

  7. Nola Erus March 2, 2010 / 12:39 pm

    Lovely, Jeff:). Thanks for sharing it. Cruelty compounded you made two in half the time. 😀

    • Jeff March 2, 2010 / 6:03 pm

      Thanks for the comment!

      Yes, we definitely took the accelerated timetable. Wait a minute…that’s also meant only 2 pregnancies instead of 3. I’ve been cheated out of even more “trying” time than I thought!!

  8. drlori71 March 2, 2010 / 1:03 pm

    Great post Jeff! You really need to start your own blog 🙂

    • Jeff March 2, 2010 / 6:05 pm

      You are too kind. Thank you.

      I may do just that if I think I have enough to say that people would enjoy it.

  9. Shnerfle March 2, 2010 / 3:20 pm

    Well, I’m gonna go with “The Nelson Laugh” from The Simpsons. HA HA! That’s what you get for planning out loud. And I’m sure you’ve never looked back since. Well done, sir. Well done.

    • Jeff March 2, 2010 / 6:07 pm

      Why thank you. 🙂

      I guess we jinxed ourselves by laying out a specific timeframe, huh???

  10. Aunt Becky March 2, 2010 / 5:37 pm

    Now that’s awesome. And by awesome, I’m so glad that I’m done. Because that? TERRIFIES ME.

    • Jeff March 3, 2010 / 1:45 am

      Thanks Becky! I appreciate you reading.

      And I’m glad we’re done too!

  11. Aunt Becky March 2, 2010 / 5:45 pm

    Also, I am never having sex again.

    • Jeff March 3, 2010 / 1:49 am

      Hmm. I don’t think your husband is going to be a fan of my work.

  12. Laura March 2, 2010 / 6:13 pm

    Very funny post! I agree you should start your own blog. 🙂

    • Jeff March 3, 2010 / 1:51 am

      I’m flattered…thanks very much!

      The blog idea is under consideration. 🙂

    • Jeff March 3, 2010 / 1:54 am

      And you are awesome. Thank you for the kind response!

  13. Apryl's Antics March 2, 2010 / 7:01 pm

    I laughed hysterically when I found out my sister-in-law was pregnant with twins (they had been trying AND trying). Now I feel kind of bad about that.

    • Jeff March 3, 2010 / 1:59 am

      No need to feel bad.

      It IS pretty damn funny when you’re not right there in the heat of the moment, during which it seems entirely possible that your head might actually explode.

      Once that passes, it’s a party baby.

  14. cjaxon March 2, 2010 / 7:37 pm

    Congrats on the excellent swimmers … but my sympathy on the loss of “try” time. One of these days you will get that enthusiasm back, and she will know all kinds of tricks she has p[icked up over the years.
    (shhh, just go along with the dream)
    We seem to have the same luck. The instant my hubby decides to let loose we are knocked up. Not always with the best outcome, but that will be my own Click if I get around to writing it.

    Thanks for sharing your Click! Loved it!

    • Jeff March 3, 2010 / 2:01 am

      Thank you! I’m not holding my breath for ever making up for lost time, but it’s a nice fantasy. 🙂

  15. WhyIsDaddyCrying March 3, 2010 / 12:00 am

    I want those months back…baby-making is so damn magical. It’s sexual, intense, a total-dude wet-dream…but in the end…it’s just awesome. And both the lady and man can’t deny it’s not…I mean shit – you’re making a being!

    You’re such a great writer….keep the good stuff going my man!

    • Jeff March 3, 2010 / 3:20 pm

      Thanks a lot! I will try to think of more stuff to write about.

  16. BusyDad March 3, 2010 / 2:15 am

    Interesting tale! Well, I became a dad and husband simultaneously. My wife was one of those Grease “Summer Loving” episodes. Except that she went back to her home country and discovered she had a stowaway on board the plane with her. So, I told her to come back to the US and 8 years later, here we are. So, how did THAT happen? (for those of you who don’t appreciate TMI, stop reading). Well, as in boxing, after a few rounds, your punches don’t have that much ooomph in them. At least that’s what one would think. Let’s just say I call my little guys “Navy Seals” because 2-5 guys went in and got the job done.

    • Jeff March 3, 2010 / 3:23 pm

      Thanks for the comment.

      Navy Seals? That is awesome. And women think they’re the only ones who can multi-task? Please.

  17. Staceylt March 3, 2010 / 10:45 am

    Such a great story. I’m glad I clicked.

    • Jeff March 3, 2010 / 3:24 pm

      I’m glad you did too.

      Thanks for reading it Stacey. 🙂

  18. IzzyMom March 3, 2010 / 2:49 pm

    Parents plan…God laughs. Loudly. While pointing at you and holding his stomach.

    • Jeff March 3, 2010 / 3:26 pm

      So, so true. Expect the unexpected.

      Thanks for commenting. 🙂

  19. @grnladybug March 4, 2010 / 2:41 pm

    Funny how life works! Great story!

    I may have to do my own click story someday! 🙂

    • lesleehorner March 4, 2010 / 2:42 pm

      You should definitely do your own click story one day! 🙂

    • Jeff March 4, 2010 / 11:59 pm

      You should most definitely do your own click story. It was a great experience for me. The feedback has been awesome.

      Go for it!!

  20. lesleehorner March 4, 2010 / 2:44 pm

    Thank you so much, Jeff, for sharing this great story!

    And for all who have commented on this post…here’s hoping Jeff has inspired you to write (and send to me) your own click story!


    • Jeff March 5, 2010 / 12:03 am

      And let me say thank you once again to you, Leslee, for posting my story on your wonderful blog. And thanks also to all the people who read and commented.

      It’s been a tremendous experience, and one that has brought me a step closer to deciding to start my own blog.

  21. OpinionatedGift March 5, 2010 / 1:10 pm

    yup…that whole planning thing..pretty much worthless.

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