In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided to write about sex. The tricky thing is trying to write about the topic without giving away too much information about my private life. I mean there are some people reading that I’m sure just don’t want to know…
Last week we watched the movie Watchmen. I’m almost ashamed to admit I liked the movie, but I did. It was well done and interesting. It was the violence that got to me (thus the shame). It was horrific. You couldn’t tell the bad guys from the good guys, they were all bad…and good. Women were beat up, a pregnant lady shot, and one guy got a hatchet through his skull. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen such extreme violence. There was, however, a love story within the movie and they did include one sex scene. After over an hour of blood and guts, guns and blades we were subjected to 15 seconds of nudity and simulated sex. They were so very careful not to assault the audiences’ sensibilities with any dirty sex. It was quite beautiful and sexy. I could have watched that for a couple of hours without feeling like I needed to take a shower and ask God’s forgiveness.
So this brings me to the question. Why do we embrace violence and demonize sex? Why are we more inclined to change the channel if a show has sexual content then violent content? And how does this attitude affect our intimate lives when we are adults?
I read this article months ago on Owning Pink and I was surprised to find out that more than half of married couples have sex a few times a month or less. When we’re dating someone, sex is a big issue. If you’re not doing it, you wish you were. If you choose to abstain than you at least have the desire to fuel the romance and passion. If you’re doing it than you’ve got the doing it to fuel the romance and passion. So what happens after we get married? Routine, I guess. Our minds are in a thousand other places and well sex is dirty anyway(this may not be at the forefront of our minds but I’d be willing to bet it’s in there somewhere), so let’s just put it off.
My attitude towards sex, like many other things, has certainly not stayed consistent. It has ebbed and flowed depending on my life experiences. It’s affected by how I feel about myself, which role I identify with the most, the long list of goals and to-dos waiting to be accomplished, and most certainly those “messages” from society that have bombarded me since childhood. But despite all of that, I also (now) embrace that sex is good for me and it’s good for my marriage. When Mark and I were engaged I read the “Love Languages” book and realized pretty quickly that my language is touch. It’s not surprising then that when I began to make sex a priority, all of my marital pet peeves disappeared.
I understand that a lot of people have real biological problems with sex drive and of course to that I can’t speak. But I know there are also a lot of people who are just too busy to be interested. If this works for you and your relationship then great, keep on chugging along. But if you wish things could change in that department then I challenge you to change your attitude. Take the time to connect with your partner and be mindful of the experience. Focus your complete attention on every touch and kiss. Treat it like a spiritual experience, empty your mind of all the junk and open your heart. And for those of you reading this who are single…I still say sex is good for you, even if you’re “flying solo.”