I’ve come to realize over the years that I am a drama junkie.  I actually think most of us are.  Good drama, bad drama, sad drama, glad drama…it doesn’t matter, it feeds a hunger in me that I want to overcome.

I realize this now because things are very peaceful in my life.  My little family here in Florida is happy and healthy.  Friends call and they ask what’s new?  I answer that everything is exactly as it has been for at least 6 weeks, nothing is new.  I feel a little uneasy at my answer.  Something in me wants to say “OH MY GOSH! You will not believe what happened!”

I don’t think I’m alone in this attitude.  What I am trying to figure out is why we (or I) do it.

At times I think it’s avoidance.  Instead of setting intentions and working towards goals, I let myself get distracted.  I let things I read or hear get under my skin.  I over-analyze other peoples’ behavior and the ways in which it affects me.

At other times it’s attention.  When I wrote my first novel I was the most obnoxious person to be around.  “Hey, I’m writing a novel.”  “Look, over here, me, me, me…I’m writing a novel.”  “Did I happen to mention that I’m writing a novel.”  I was so excited I couldn’t shut up about it.  It was so dramatic…like pigs flying and hell freezing over.  I could not stop myself.  Time of course allows you perspective and I would like to sincerely apologize to everyone who had to listen to me talk incessantly about that damn novel.  And I’d also like to thank those who listened patiently and those who dared to read the thing.

The last reason I can think of right now for the need for drama would be fear.  I think there must be within us all a fear of not being enough.  We want to be interesting and we want people to desire our company.  Without the lights, sound, and set design how will anyone find us?  I can think of several relationships in my life that revolved solely around gossip.  If there was not something to say (mostly negative) about someone else the relationship was dull and lifeless.  I found myself getting caught up in conversations I wish I’d never been a part of for the purpose of connecting and being a part of the group.  If I admitted how wrong it was to say the things I was saying and to listen (mouth closed) to unloving remarks, I would be admitting that in that moment I was an outsider.

I’d say right now in my journey I am walking through a pasture filled with daisies.  It’s quiet, peaceful, and lovely…yet I’m getting restless.  I’m picking up speed, pulling out the binoculars looking for the mountain.  There happens to be no drama in my life…but I must admit I’ve looked at others to find some.  Yesterday I was letting myself steam a little about something someone else is doing.  It isn’t about me, but I’m sure trying to make it be.  I talked to my friend Ray about it and he smiled, shook his head, and said “It’s not your stuff.”

He’s right, it’s not my stuff.  I’m tired of creating drama.  I want to take advantage of this peace and quiet in my life, to go inward and grow spiritually.

Take it away Mary….


8 thoughts on “Drama

  1. Renee January 15, 2010 / 8:25 am

    Thankfully, any drama in my life now is pretty isolated and doesn’t involve “outsiders.” By that, I mean it isn’t about gossip. I have gotten to the point where I don’t care what other people do, as long as it’s legal and no one is getting hurt.

    I used to love drama. I think I sought it. I think it has affected the men I’ve chosen to be with over the years and I haven’t liked the results. So, I’m done with it.

    As for the writing, I read that a study showed people are more likely to achieve their goals if they shut up about them. So, I’ve decided not to talk about it and just do it already instead. 🙂

    We need to have dinner or do karaoke or something soon! I know you have your writing group on Wednesdays, but if you’re interested, Weezer is having a free concert at FSU next Wednesday. Chris and I are going with a friend of mine. You guys are welcome to tag along if you can/want. I don’t have details yet.

    • lesleehorner January 15, 2010 / 12:46 pm

      It is so true that not talking about your goals is a key to achieving them. I keep talking (though not as much as I did about that first novel) about my latest idea and sometimes people will say “How are you going to do that?” and then I think “Oh my gosh, I don’t know. It’s too hard, the idea sucks, never mind, forget it, I’ll never be able to do it.” Then I have to work to get my confidence back about it. That could be why I haven’t started writing it yet…:)

      I would love to go out for karaoke again! Will talk to Mark about a good weekend to do it…if your dd is available to babysit we might could pull it off tomorrow night…

      • Renee January 15, 2010 / 12:50 pm

        I know she’s got a friend spending the night tonight, but she hasn’t mentioned plans tomorrow. Just let me know so I can make sure Chris comes home. He won’t hesitate to pick up extra hours if I don’t ask him not to.

  2. ray January 15, 2010 / 3:47 pm

    Well. it is much safer to get caught up in the drama of others peoples lives than it is to create drama in ours.

  3. Darkwulfe January 15, 2010 / 7:43 pm

    I have had my share of drama! I prefer to meddle into other people’s drama now! lol Excellent post!

  4. eastkentuckygal January 16, 2010 / 1:20 am

    It is part of our not wanting to be fully present in the present I think. Ego wants us to have something going on, so we can fix it, feel sorry for ourselves, be fearful, or brag. We live in a world bombarded by information as well or all sorts. We are desensitized and therefore easily unsatisfied or distracted. I don’t know… I feel like I’m rambling, but I know what your saying. 🙂

  5. Biswajit Dash January 17, 2010 / 2:06 pm

    Hi! Leslee,

    absolutely brilliant stand point in expression and thought. I am glad that you do not like to pretend like the other lot. Drama is like an illusion and the popular drama is human life. See it little differently: The greatest tales often describe the rustic emotions and extraordinary journeys. There is of course greatness in every thought as it comes to me. Let’s analyze why such thoughts come after all. You will see the root of be it like a personal drama or a social trauma often fails to discover the roots as they are just floating entities that encompass us. We need to break the ice now. Need a release. need enough fresh air to breathe under the blue sky. And now we can.

  6. Leigh January 21, 2010 / 3:30 pm

    Emotional/relationship drama, no.
    Stagnation, double no.
    Change, growth, new experiences? A great big dramatic yes.

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