The article was about ten things that husbands should never do. It seems that the piece was just written based on the author’s personal experience and opinions. A few of the suggestions had merit but most of them oozed of resentment and a desire to feel more power in the relationship. So, I thought I’d take a page from Rage-o-matic’s blog and go through the ten and apply each to my life.
1. Offer to “babysit” your own kids.
I was just talking with someone yesterday about a husband who actually does this, Mark does not. If either of us has some place we need to go we simply say “I have X to do on X night, is that OK with you?” Occassionaly I may say “Do you mind watching the girls while I go to X?” We are both adults and parents with busy lives. It is not unusual that one of us needs to “sit” with the girls while the other one is gone. This is really one of those things that comes down to terminology.
2. Imply that office work is harder than housework.
I’m just going to admit it here…Mark’s “office work” is a whole heck of a lot harder than my housework. I couldn’t do his job to save my life and he could and has done my job at home before. (My husband is amazing…have I menioned that lately.) Mark may sit “on his butt” at a computer most of the day, but his brain is working in overdrive. I know a lot of stay-at-home-moms who go to great lengths to connect with other adults in order to get that kind of mental stimulation. Mark never says this kind of thing to me but if he did it would probably not be unfounded. I have been known to let some chores wait until “later” making the “what did you do all day?” question a reasonable one.
3. Give a home appliance as a gift.
Really? I LOVE a practical gift. I am extremely excited about the Shark I got for Christmas. Finally an easier way to clean my floors! That being said I do know a woman who after 30+ years of marriage never let her hubby forget he gave her a crockpot for their first Christmas together and that was the WRONG kind of gift.
4. Buy us the “cougar” perfume.
First of all I have no idea what qualifies as “cougar” perfume and second of all I don’t wear perfume. I think Mark would know this since we live together and talk everyday.
5. Brag about your driving.
Another thing that Mark just doesn’t do. I’d say I’m the backseat driver in this family…
6. Be unimpressed by a meal that took a lot of time and trouble.
I don’t typically make meals that take a lot of time and trouble. If I do and they’re bad, I’ll be the first to admit it. I wouldn’t expect Mark to pretend something is good if it sucks.
7. Buy clothes without trying them on.
Mark doesn’t do this and if he did, he’d either take them back himself or we’d all go together.
8. Know it all, especially in public.
Again, something else that just doesn’t apply to us. Only in the past week while visiting family and friends did I learn that Mark is an expert at football trivia. I was very impressed and surprised that I hadn’t discovered that about him earlier. (I knew he loved the sport but not that he knew so much about players and teams throughout history.) So I can’t even imagine him embarrassing me by being a “know-it-all.”
9. Say anything remotely critical about my new haircut.
I translate this to “say anything remotely critical about me” and honestly I’ve learned over the years that I need Mark to do this. He is always honest with me and usually when he calls me out on something I am already thinking it myself. Once he says it, it makes it real. I realize I’m not the only one who notices and that I truly need to make a change. I don’t even want to speculate on who I’d be without Mark’s honesty and encouragement to be my best even if it stings a little sometimes.
10. Expect a medal for doing housework.
If Mark helps me do my job, I am more than happy to show my appreciation. And I don’t have a problem with him fishing for that appreciation either (sometimes I get a bit distracted).
After reading through this article and applying it to my life I realize how inaccurate “generalized” information is. Obviously these 10 items don’t speak for the opinion of all women and I wonder if they even speak for most of us. It reminds me how important it is to form your own conclusions rather than just accepting the conclusions formed by others.