What Men Should Do?

The other day I read this blog post about this article and have to say I was in complete agreement with the blogger’s thoughts on the article.

The article was about ten things that husbands should never do.  It seems that the piece was just written based on the author’s personal experience and opinions.  A few of the suggestions had merit but most of them oozed of resentment and a desire to feel more power in the relationship.  So, I thought I’d take a page from Rage-o-matic’s blog and go through the ten and apply each to my life.

1. Offer to “babysit” your own kids.

I was just talking with someone yesterday about a husband who actually does this, Mark does not.  If either of us has some place we need to go we simply say “I have X to do on X night, is that OK with you?”  Occassionaly I may say “Do you mind watching the girls while I go to X?”  We are both adults and parents with busy lives.  It is not unusual that one of us needs to “sit” with the girls while the other one is gone.  This is really one of those things that comes down to terminology.

2.  Imply that office work is harder than housework.

I’m just going to admit it here…Mark’s “office work” is a whole heck of a lot harder than my housework.  I couldn’t do his job to save my life and he could and has done my job at home before.  (My husband is amazing…have I menioned that lately.)  Mark may sit “on his butt” at a computer most of the day, but his brain is working in overdrive.  I know a lot of stay-at-home-moms who go to great lengths to connect with other adults in order to get that kind of mental stimulation.  Mark never says this kind of thing to me but if he did it would probably not be unfounded.  I have been known to let some chores wait until “later” making the “what did you do all day?” question a reasonable one.

3.  Give a home appliance as a gift.

Really?  I LOVE a practical gift.  I am extremely excited about the Shark I got for Christmas.  Finally an easier way to clean my floors!  That being said I do know a woman who after 30+ years of marriage never let her hubby forget he gave her a crockpot for their first Christmas together and that was the WRONG kind of gift.

4.  Buy us the “cougar” perfume.

First of all I have no idea what qualifies as “cougar” perfume and second of all I don’t wear perfume.  I think Mark would know this since we live together and talk everyday.

5.  Brag about your driving.

Another thing that Mark just doesn’t do.  I’d say I’m the backseat driver in this family…

6.  Be unimpressed by a meal that took a lot of time and trouble.

I don’t typically make meals that take a lot of time and trouble.  If I do and they’re bad, I’ll be the first to admit it.  I wouldn’t expect Mark to pretend something is good if it sucks.

7.    Buy clothes without trying them on.

Mark doesn’t do this and if he did, he’d either take them back himself or we’d all go together.

8.  Know it all, especially in public.

Again, something else that just doesn’t apply to us.  Only in the past week while visiting family and friends did I learn that Mark is an expert at football trivia.  I was very impressed and surprised that I hadn’t discovered that about him earlier.  (I knew he loved the sport but not that he knew so much about players and teams throughout history.)  So I can’t even imagine him embarrassing me by being a “know-it-all.”

9.  Say anything remotely critical about my new haircut.

I translate this to “say anything remotely critical about me” and honestly I’ve learned over the years that I need Mark to do this.  He is always honest with me and usually when he calls me out on something I am already thinking it myself.  Once he says it, it makes it real.  I realize I’m not the only one who notices and that I truly need to make a change.  I don’t even want to speculate on who I’d be without Mark’s honesty and encouragement to be my best even if it stings a little sometimes.

10.  Expect a medal for doing housework.

If Mark helps me do my job, I am more than happy to show my appreciation.  And I don’t have a problem with him fishing for that appreciation either (sometimes I get a bit distracted).

After reading through this article and applying it to my life I realize how inaccurate “generalized” information is.  Obviously these 10 items don’t speak for the opinion of all women and I wonder if they even speak for most of us.  It reminds me how important it is to form your own conclusions rather than just accepting the conclusions formed by others.

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18 thoughts on “What Men Should Do?

  1. rageomatic January 6, 2010 / 10:20 am

    (2.) and (10.) are the most interesting to me. (2.) Because so few women get to be stay at home moms anymore, and (10.) Compliments are free. FREE. Why would you with hold from the person you love most that which costs you NOTHING? It simply doesn’t make sense to me.

  2. HeavyWhisper January 6, 2010 / 10:42 am

    I agree with rageomatic but I like that you give some very practical and real life examples that show that you are a woman of reason unlike the woman in the original article.

  3. ray January 6, 2010 / 12:25 pm

    I found the article quite humorous. I could probably think of ten things men should never do. 1) Have an affair 2) Have a secret bank account 3) Compare his wife to her sister 4) Dis the in-laws 5) Put down the wife and kids before others 6) Take credit for the works of the spouse 7) Buy a major purchase without the wife’s input 8) Choosing the vacation without agreement 9) Be the boss of the finances 10) Never tell your wife how much you love her. Knowing what not to do isn’t the issue. Being able to love and understand is.

    • rageomatic January 6, 2010 / 12:42 pm

      11. Pass gas in bed and not let wife out from under the blankets.

      • lesleehorner January 6, 2010 / 3:19 pm

        My mom should have sent my dad packing a long time ago then. No, I guess he does let her out from under the blankets.

    • lesleehorner January 6, 2010 / 3:20 pm

      I’m OK with Mark being the boss of the finances…as long as he doesn’t start acting like a dictator.

  4. Darkwulfe January 6, 2010 / 1:29 pm

    Very good post…I have never understood articles like this. From either gender…they come accross like bitter rants rather than as any helpful advice. Is good to see a practical approach…a very fun read.

    • lesleehorner January 6, 2010 / 3:20 pm

      Make sure you read Rage-o-matic’s post on it, his was really good!

  5. avionicsman January 6, 2010 / 3:39 pm

    Great Blog Leslee!! I would say I did most of that most of the time. The ex might argue that, but she was always bitter anyway!!

    • lesleehorner January 6, 2010 / 3:48 pm

      Thank you! So are you saying you did the stuff you are not supposed to do?

  6. cjaxon January 6, 2010 / 6:12 pm

    Then you are an extremely lucky woman. A lot of those points could be made by me, though not exactly of course. I think they would apply to a LOT of women.
    My husband assumes that I do not need a moment out of the house. If he wants to leave to run an errand, go to the store, hang out with friends … he does. If I tried to do the same the kids would be screaming and he would be growling. He works nights, so that puts a damper on things anyway.
    He actually made the “oh yeah, your job is so hard!” comment to me the other day … and he is a BARTENDER! His job is to make people drinks and get flirted with … OH NO, let me cry you a river!
    And oh my goodness I could go on and on about why most of those points are valid … but I am not throwing a pity party until Saturday. Invites in the mail.

    • lesleehorner January 6, 2010 / 7:16 pm

      I don’t use LOL often, but it applies here! And I am really lucky. Thanks for your comment…great to have a woman’s perspective!

    • Renee January 7, 2010 / 12:23 pm

      I was a bartender. It’s not an easy job.

      But that doesn’t excuse his lack of respect for you.

  7. caren January 6, 2010 / 6:44 pm

    Leslee,

    I found your post interesting. I am not married, but I can still relate to some of these things. What strikes me is that it seems that you and Mark have what I would call a great relationship. I also know there are many other relationships out there that are very similar to yours.
    When women realize that men are just wired different they may not get so upset by some behaviors.
    I received a vacuum cleaner as a gift once from a very special man in my life, and I was sooo happy. I needed a new one. And really aren’t there some things women just do better than men…..!!!!

    • lesleehorner January 6, 2010 / 7:19 pm

      We do have a great relationship and have put the effort into making it even better over the last year. I think sometimes you just have to change the way you think of things and then those things magically change…ya know?

  8. IvanaScream January 7, 2010 / 5:21 am

    I find #6 interesting. “Be unimpressed by a meal that took a lot of time and trouble.”

    Let me get this straight. I spend all day making a meal that isn’t very good. My husband, not wanting to offend me (since I’m so insecure) raves about the meal and says he’s really impressed.

    And now, I think it’s something I should go through again cuz he liked it so much. STUPID! It was a LOT OF TIME AND TROUBLE! Why would you not want a reason to not go through that again? What is wrong with this woman?

    Along that line, my grandma made bean soup for her kids often. So one day when she was visiting, my mom made bean soup for her. My grandma confided, “I don’t really care for bean soup.” My mom, quite shocked by this revelation, said, “But then why did you make it so often when I was a kid?”

    “Because you kids like it so much.”

    “No we didn’t. None of us like bean soup. We only ate it because we thought you liked it.!”

    So don’t lie about liking something. If you don’t like it and don’t want it again, save everyone the hassle of eating bean soup and tell the truth.

    • lesleehorner January 7, 2010 / 2:09 pm

      Wow, that’s such a funny story about the bean soup. I guess some might be impressed at the “unselfishness” of that family…but in reality they were keeping each other out, you know? When all we really know about the people around us is the masks they wear (for whatever reason), we aren’t really getting to know them at all and that’s pretty sad.

      On another note though, if they were eating bean soup all the time and they didn’t like it, it probably kept them from being gluttons and gaining weight!

      • IvanaScream January 7, 2010 / 5:02 pm

        Nope. They are all fat. I guess Grandma didn’t make bean soup often enough! 🙂

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