We have these huge Oak trees in our front yard and they have thousands of leaves.  During Autumn and Winter the leaves fall and blanket our yard.  Mark hates to let the leaves sit, but cleaning them up is an enormous job.  Every year we find a different way to approach it.  The first year in the house, we bought a couple of rakes and did it the old fashion way.  The year after that we bought a leave blower that converted to a leaf vacuum and filled the bags that way for a couple of years.  Last year the blower broke and so we hired someone else to do the job.  This year we purchased a new lawn mower with a bag and gathered the leaves that way.  It is always Mark’s idea to take on this job with my help.  He insists that if it is not done the grass beneath the blanket will die and our yard will be ruined.  I am always the whiney one…”awww, do we have to do it?”

As we mowed and bagged yesterday evening I thought of the job and what it represents in my life, especially at this time of year.  It’s been an emotional year for me and a bit hectic.  I’ll admit that I’ve been somewhat scattered, with my thoughts in several  different directions at times.  There is a lot I think of doing but find excuses not to.  I give myself jobs to accomplish and then put them off “Let me just do this one quick thing first.”  The one quick thing ends up taking an hour and the job I’d intended to do gets put off or done half-ass.

So just like with the leaves, it’s time for me to do some clearing in my life.  I’m preparing for the new year, hoping that it will be a new start (we all say this at this time of year though).  I need to release the bad habits which for me is mostly just one…being online way too much without doing anything productive.   I need to pull my thoughts back to the present.  Every time I find myself focused and truly surrendered to the moment something good happens.  Whether it’s an exciting email or a great idea, I tend to get caught up in it and find myself planning the future and wondering where it will lead.  Once I’m out of the present and back in the future, everything slows down or halts.  I also want to let go of some emotional baggage.  I seem to be taking my pent up feelings and projecting them.  The uncertainty I sense about some situations and relationships causes me to over analyze what is going smoothly and seek glitches that aren’t even there.  Finally, my house does not reflect who I want to be.  I don’t have a lot of stuff, I’m probably the opposite of a hoarder (or almost), but when the clutter gathers I feel cluttered too.  And I haven’t been so motivated to stay on top of it.

Like I said yesterday, things are getting easier and more peaceful for me.  I think that’s why I can write this.  I can own up to what’s been wrong and declare that I want to change it.  Just like the leaves that damage the grass in my front yard, the bad habits, scattered thoughts, pent up emotions, and clutter weigh on my spirit.  What about you?  Is your life too hectic for your spirit to soar?


2 thoughts on “Clearing

  1. Renee December 23, 2009 / 8:35 am

    If there’s clutter — physical or emotional — I can’t relax or get anything productive accomplished.

    I can’t even stand to not have my bed made every morning. This is a problem, though, because Chris gets up after I go to work four days a week (sometimes five), so it only gets made on weekends and when he works on Mondays.

  2. ray December 23, 2009 / 9:42 am

    Boy, I’m glad I don’t have any of those faults (tongue in cheek).

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