The Facebook Dump

Way back when I first joined Facebook I was chatting with a friend about the numbers.  She had observed a change in her number of friends, it went down instead of up.  She was trying to figure out who de-friended her.  I told her that probably someone had just completely removed themselves from Facebook, therefore falling off her list.  There was a “friend” on my list who was constantly doing that, deleting and then re-instating her profile.  I mean what reason would anyone have to de-friend you?

Well flash forward about 8 months later and I have recently discovered that I have been Facebook dumped by not one, but three people.  The first one I caught was a friend of a friend’s that I had sent an invite to after meeting her.  She accepted the invite and I said hello, nice hanging out with you last week and all that good stuff.  A few weeks later her name popped up in response to our common friend and I noticed she changed her profile picture.  I clicked on her name to get a better look at the picture and low and behold we were no longer friends.  (What did I do?)  The second person was an actual friend whom I’d been getting the cold shoulder from.  After a weird email exchange, I decided to do some detective work (it had been months since I’d seen a FB status with her name on it).  Yet again, dumped.  (What did I do?  Well this one I kind of know the answer to.)  Finally, there was a guy who had friended me in the very first week I was on Facebook.  He went to high school with me and I’ve never spoken to him before in my life.  I only knew who he was because he was one of the popular kids.  He was a fanatic with his status updates.  I went from knowing nothing about him, to knowing every detail of his daily routine.  The other day I realized it’d been a long time since I’d read about his daily trip to Starbucks and did a little search.  He didn’t show up.  I decided he’d left Facebook.  Then a day or two later he was commenting on one of my friend’s status updates and again I realized, I’d been dumped.  (What did I do?)

I’m really not sure what Facebook etiquette says about all this de-friending, but it definitely does a number on your self-esteem.  (I mean come on, WHAT DID I DO?)  See, I’m one of those people that really wants to be liked.  I can’t handle knowing there are people in the world who may have been offended by me or don’t like me.  I like to think the first girl decided to downsize her list to include only her “real” friends and that the guy finally figured out he’d gotten the wrong Leslee (he meant to friend Leslie).  And as for the other one, well if friendships are like dating than I guess the Facebook dump was her official way of breaking up with me.

Anyway, I here by officially promise never to dump any of my Facebook friends (even that lady whose request I accepted assuming I knew her only to discover I have no idea who the heck she is).  And for any of you who know them, I’d sure like to hear more about the rules of etiquette for Facebook.    And also, I have to admit all this getting dumped is doing a lot to help me get over this “caring what other people think about me” thing I’ve had going on most of my life.  So really, it’s all good!

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15 thoughts on “The Facebook Dump

  1. Lisa September 21, 2009 / 8:51 am

    That IS kind of weird.

  2. Tara September 21, 2009 / 9:19 am

    I have to own that I don’t pay enough attention to FB to know if someone dumped me. I’d wager I’ve been dumped on more than one occassion, though!

  3. mapsgirl September 21, 2009 / 9:32 am

    Ya, I haven’t been paying a lot of attention if I’ve been dumped. I know I’ve done some dumping myself tho. I don’t know if there is an etiquette but it’s my Facebook and if I don’t want you on there you must have done something pretty bad to piss me off. Most of the time, if I have someone as a friend and I don’t want them to see everything about me, they get lumped into a list that has privacy settings limiting what they can see.

    • lesleehorner September 21, 2009 / 9:55 am

      Over the weekend we were talking FB and one of my friends said “if you want to see someone’s pictures, just add them and then drop them later.” I said “no, you can’t do that if they figure it out it will hurt their feelings.” But before the first one I stumbled on, I was paying no attention to the numbers either. I also post a link to my blog on FB everyday and I’ve often thought it might annoy some people…

  4. OpinionatedGift September 21, 2009 / 12:16 pm

    As @2MuchPerfection tweeted this morning, or retweeted, Facebook can kiss my ass.

    I don’t know if I’ve been dumped or not. I don’t pay enough attention to the numbers.

    When I first got on FB I went games crazy and friended a lot of strangers to advance in the games. One day, in the same way I realized that Ayn Rand was batshit when I was 19, I realized I’d gone batshit on the gaming.

    I spent a week on my FB status warning that I was about to unfriend everyone that I didn’t really know and had only friended for Mob Wars, or City of Blood or some such silliness. I kept a few of them because I thought their updates were interesting, but after that week of warnings I spent 3 days (yes, 3 days) unfriending. Some of them tried to refriend (they’d missed the updates I guess. But most everyone understood.

    After that, I had no idea what my number was…so….if I’ve been dumped I have no idea. On the other hand, I have become closer friends to some people I barely knew in my past through FB…and I suspect the same is true for you.

    You rock….don’t let anyone tell you different.

    Also, make sure you tweet links to your blog posts. Good way to get more readers.

  5. OpinionatedGift September 21, 2009 / 12:16 pm

    By that I mean, everytime you mention it in a tweet.

  6. Simone Grant September 21, 2009 / 12:39 pm

    I will always believe that Facebook is the devil and the fact that it has otherwise sane, secure adults thinking about who might have de-friended them and why is just further proof.

    And now for what I REALLY think: I’ve always thought of a friend as a rare individual. Someone to whom I could look to when I was in need of emotional support. Someone I wanted to share my life’s greatest joys with. Someone special to me. And as such, I don’t think I’m capable of having more than a handful of real friends. That’s just not the way my heart works.

    Buddies, sure I can have dozens of those. But not friends.

    So when someone of FB de-friends me it’s meaningless. That person wasn’t really a friend of mine to begin with.

    • lesleehorner September 21, 2009 / 1:31 pm

      Facebook could be the devil…or at the very least one of many of them. It has re-connected me with a lot of people I’d been missing over the years though. I’m really good friends with my junior high best friend again! And it is definitely teaching me to be a bit more accepting (or at least tolerant) of other people’s opinions. And obviously I am also learning to get over myself!

      I definitely agree with the handful of close friends thing too. I know people who are very popular and I watch them and it’s just exhausting to me. I like a small circle.

      • Renee September 21, 2009 / 4:44 pm

        Facebook is the devil if you allow it to be.

        I’ve reconnected with people I thought I’d never be able to find again and I love it for that. I keep my own drama off of it and use it to keep in touch with people I love.

        To me, it’s an angel.

      • lesleehorner September 21, 2009 / 4:53 pm

        Yes it has been both for me! I am re-connected with a lot of old friends that had let silly rifts come between us when we were younger. I am also able to keep up with sorority sisters that are scattered everywhere. But have to say I let some of that political stuff get to me. I never respond, but some of it does get my blood pressure going. And I’ve had the occasional drama with posting stuff and then having to put out fires. But no one has made me angry enough to drop off my list. I did drop one guy in the beginning b/c I realized I didn’t know him and got paranoid as to why he had sent me an invite in the first place. He was on my list for about 1 day.

  7. Shayna September 21, 2009 / 3:56 pm

    Letting go is very therapeutic.

  8. Renee September 21, 2009 / 4:41 pm

    I have no idea what my numbers are. And so many of my friends will be on there constantly for a while, then gone for a while and then pop back up, so I don’t even bother to investigate when they disappear. 🙂

    I have to admit, I have done some dumping because I thought some people were sort of toxic to my life. But we made up and are friends again. And I’ve accidentally friended people I thought were someone else and then realized it and defriended them, but it wasn’t personal.

    I try to keep my list to people I actually like and consider friends beyond the Facebook world, so I hope we would never have that kind of falling out.

    I do have an old friend who won’t accept or deny my friend request, which is odd and very sad for me.

    Otherwise, I don’t know FB etiquette, except it’s MY page and I can do what I want. And if I defriend you, it means I forgot who you are or I’m really angry with you. 🙂

  9. truthwalker September 21, 2009 / 5:51 pm

    If people request me I friend them and I wait about 90 days. If they haven’t said anything funny or interesting in 90 days, I de-friend them. I’ve actually gotten some angry emails about this. But I stand by it. I keep a very narrow list of people I am honestly interesting in talking to.

    • dstevens October 13, 2009 / 10:22 pm

      I do that too, or if someone is posting posting posting i may dump them too just a little housekeeping is all.

  10. Kasey September 21, 2009 / 9:29 pm

    Hey Girl! I am with you on this…but…you must realize that YOU didn’t do anything wrong. Not intentionally anyway and that is what matters. Real friends come to you and talk, communicate, as to avoid these rediclous situations. I’ll never dump you friend! Love ya -k

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