Enlightening Assignment

I wrote about the workshop yesterday and today I want to share an assignment we were given.  We were asked at the beginning of the day to write down the names of three people we admire and at least one thing we admire about them.  Then we were asked to write down the names of three people who really get under our skin and at least one reason why.  The first part of my list (the admiration part) without thinking too deeply about it, looked like this.  (And we could pick anyone, living or dead, whether we know them or not.)

My husband Mark-determination and follow through

Lissa Rankin-her ability to take a leap of faith and follow her passions

Joel S. Goldsmith-being a spiritual teacher and healer, letting God work through him

The second part of my list contained the following characteristics.  I, of course, will not mention who they belong to.  (Again though it could be anyone, living or dead, whether we know  them or not).

-Judgmental, set in ways

-dishonest

-unwilling to get to know the truth about others

After completing the list we were asked to look at it carefully and were then told that these people were our mirrors.  All of these characteristics were within us, which is why we notice them so quickly in others.  Obviously we talked mostly about the negatives.  Kamala explained how people often don’t believe that those dark aspects really belong to them.  They deny, deny, deny.  But for me it was the complete opposite.  I’ve understood for a long time that the reason I get so hurt and angry when I witness others being judgmental is because I myself do this and desperately wish that I did not.  As for dishonesty, I claim to be an honest person.  I can not tell a lie and I never look for loopholes in the system.  I’m a “by the book” kind of girl.  BUT, I am not always honest about my feelings.  When asked how I am, the standard answer is “fine”…even if I am far from fine.  When asked what I want, I often say “I don’t know” even when I always know.  Within my own head, I do an excellent job talking myself into and out of things, without always looking honestly at the choices I am making.  And as far as the last one is concerned, I like to think that I am willing to understand people, but I must admit I have been known to put them in boxes after I learn a tidbit of information about them.  So I am embracing this shadow side of myself and hopefully I can bring it into the light.  Maybe eventually I won’t even notice when others are being judgmental or dishonest.  Then I’ll know I no longer am…

As for the positive aspects, that’s where I found myself a bit confused.  It’s always been very easy for me to notice the qualities I am not proud of, but to claim the good stuff…that’s scary.  I have some great ideas and I want to see them through, this requires determination and the ability to take a leap of faith and follow my passions.  Apparently because I see it so clearly in others it is also within me.  And these days more than anything I want to put my energy into my spirituality and letting God lead me.  And I can because the ability to surrender is inside.

This activity was really the most enlightening one of the day for me.  It allowed me to learn so much about myself and who I can become.  I can build on the positives and try to find a way to work through and release the negatives.

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