One thing I have learned to do over the past few years is trust my instincts. I have figured out that there is something directing me from within and it always seems to know what’s best for me. Sometimes it leads me to people and places that don’t make a lot of sense, like when it woke me up at 3am insisting that I write a letter to a friend (whose mother was dying) and reveal all of my deepest held beliefs about God and death. I wrote the letter and emailed it the next day. My friend lost his mother a week later. I don’t know what affect my letter had on his grieving process, but I do know I was meant to write it.
In particular, it is important to follow your instincts when it comes to your body and health. When something is physically wrong with you (like my strep throat incident I wrote about) and you need to see a doctor I think your body lets you know, you sense it. Today(7-30) I experienced the effects of not trusting my instincts in relation to my body. On Monday, I had a doctor appointment and scheduled a procedure to take place today. The procedure is best done when a particular window is open. For me, the window of opportunity was there but closing quickly. Everything in me SCREAMED to wait and schedule the procedure later. But no, no, no…I wanted it done and wanted it done NOW. Surely they wouldn’t have suggested it if it couldn’t be done. My gut wouldn’t leave me alone though. When I got home I emailed a doctor friend and asked whether or not I should cancel the appointment. She told me it was doable and that it might hurt, but would be OK. So against every cell in my body, I kept the appointment.
Today I went back for the procedure and HOLY CRAP!!!!!! Let me just say that the window must be OPEN…slightly open does NOT work. Until today, the worst pain I had ever experienced was a tie between the pitocin-induced back labor I went through with Bella and the getting out of bed for the first time after my c-sections. Today I suffered a pain that made me cry AND pass out (well almost). It was so painful that the procedure was not even completed. All I can say now is: Dear sweet intuition/higher self, I am so very sorry for ignoring your pleas. I promise from now on I will listen to you. I will not let my impatience interfere with the messages you send me. I totally get what you were trying to tell me, I thank you and desperately wish I’d have listened.