So, I have been on this kick lately where I feel like I need to DO something. I’ve thought about editing my first novel and my second. I’ve thought about beginning a complete rewrite of both of them. The idea has crossed my mind that I could turn each of them into a book series which would make 2 books equal 5 or 6. I’ve also thought about burning them. I’ve considered applying to grad school or just applying for a part time job at Border’s. It has occurred to me that I could volunteer my time to a good cause. I’m also interested in learning HTML so that I can buy a real domain name and grow this blog (which I think I need to be a little more computer literate to do). I also ought to continue where I left off with the decluttering project, seeing as I only got as far as two closets. I’d love to spend like 5 more hours a week in the gym so that I can work on that ideal bod. These are all actions I could take, yet I don’t seem to have the incentive or passion to.
As I was going down the list of coulds and shoulds, I was reminded that I want to follow my heart and trust myself. Everytime I sit down to do something I should do, it feels wrong. I feel as if I am once again going against the current. My body always lets me know when I am making the wrong choice or pushing something that isn’t ready to budge just yet. Even thinking about those books gets my stomach flipping, yet my passion is still writing and the ideas swimming in my head make me feel alive. I think it is a matter of timing. When I first got the idea to write that second novel I told myself that I would write it when I couldn’t not write it. And that’s just what I did. One day I sat down and poof, out of nowhere, I outlined the entire story. A day or two later I began writing it. That’s how it works I think. You first must know that you can do it and trust that it will happen when the time is right.
So for now, I think the best action for me is no action at all. I have never in my life been in a position, like I am now, where I can just be. I can sit peacefully with a faithful knowing that the pieces will fall into place and I will be guided to DO when the time is right. When it is time for me to move…I WILL know it.
Today, I am going to BE at the pool and Starbucks with a pastry!