Down Day

I am writing this on Tuesday, but it won’t post until Thursday.  I’m having a down day, a stuck day, and trying my best not to be just plain sad.  We went to the pool, the girls had a blast, I caught up with my wonderful friend Wendy, Mark came home from work early, I made time to meditate, we had a nice dinner, my mother-in-law cleaned the kitchen, I read stories to Bella and Callee, and now I am being serenaded by Mark and Kevin playing guitars.  But still my monkey mind is swinging back and forth between the past and the future.  I want to be present.

I have a lot of faith these days.  I believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason…even the stuff that makes you feel like shit.  I know there is at least one person in my life that I have unfinished business with and am scared to death to finish it.  I’m not sure if I really want to look at myself through their eyes.  I’m not sure if what is broken can be fixed, so it seems easier for me to put it away where I don’t have to look at it.  But I’ve already talked about what happens with that stuff;  it comes back up and insists on being dealt with.  I’ll deal with it in time, I guess.

The best thing for me to do at the end of this day is allow myself to be filled with gratitude.  To be grateful for everything I mentioned in the first paragraph.  To be grateful for the relationships in my life that are healthy and loving.  To be grateful that I am aware how divine life is and that there is always someone going before me,  making the way for me.  And finally to be grateful for the teachers who arrive in my life with lessons for me, knowing that I will always benefit from learning them.

I’m ending this post with a picture of Callee’s cornstalk, because it’s growth is a reminder that it is not always as hard as it seems to grow something grand.  (Remember, all Callee did was toss a few corn kernels into a hole our dog had dug.)

Callee's Corn

4 thoughts on “Down Day

  1. Renee June 18, 2009 / 8:12 am

    Write it, Leslee. Whatever you’re feeling about your unfinished business, write it.

    Then decide if what you wrote should be shared with the person with whom you have unfinished business or if it should be kept to yourself. Either way, you’ll feel better and think more clearly.

  2. Lisa June 18, 2009 / 8:32 am

    I agree that you should write it out. You are such an eloquent writer!

    LOVE C’s cornstalk and all that it stands for!

  3. Amanda June 18, 2009 / 9:51 am

    Leslie, this post has me so completely connected to you… I am feeling EVERYTHING that you wrote about. I have a lot of unfinished business that needs to be taken care of in my life, and I slowly seem to chip away a little, but sometimes it feels like I chip away some of it and, like a rockslide, more starts coming down as a result.

    I just keep telling myself the same things: attitude of gratitude because otherwise I will fall apart. And put one foot in front of the other… Keep writing! It is a salve when you have something like this to focus on…

    ZLAM, AW

    • lesleehorner June 18, 2009 / 3:42 pm

      Thanks Amanda! I’m glad you can relate (or maybe not glad for you, but it feels good to know you’re not the only one). My post tomorrow reveals a little more of where this is coming from.

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