I went to visit my friends in North Carolina a few weeks ago. I also got to have a short visit with my mom and my sisters. Mostly, it was a great weekend.
When my plane took off to come back home and we were climbing higher and higher I looked down and recognized the landscape. I saw a familiar building and a neighborhood. It reminded me of something that I had been trying to let go of. Feelings of fear, resentment, and regret bubbled up. It was all ego stuff, attachments I needed to free myself of. For me a portion of that weekend had been about making peace, forgiving and moving on even if it was only inside myself. So it astonished me that I looked down and saw this representation of a chapter, a struggle, I’d been having within. As the plane moved through the sky I made a decision to surrender and I felt the peace of it. When we descended toward Tallahassee at the end of the flight we passed through the thickest, whitest, most angelic clouds I had ever seen. Rays of sunshine streaked through them and the sight of it took my breath away. It verified the beauty of surrender!
Flash forward a few weeks later and I do feel freer. My reactions aren’t the same. The things that bothered me before that moment don’t bother me now (or at least bother me a great deal less). But it seems as always, life tests me and I am having to remind myself of the message of surrender. I am finding myself attached to goals and outcomes I prefer for myself. I spend a lot of time analyzing how I might get to where I want to go. I look for signs to suggest a direction and a means of transportation. I want to know when, how, and what! But I’m also awake enough to see what I am doing to myself. I feel the knots in my stomach and I know I should stop and choose another thought, another activity, something that helps me remember the truth.
I read this post on Owning Pink tonight and it helped me gather my thoughts to finish writing about surrender, because surrender is really about letting go of attachments. When I am attached to an outcome that I envision for myself I am existing in a place of fear. I am not trusting in the idea that my life is divinely led. If I believe (and I do) that God goes before me to make the crooked places straight, than I must surrender to that idea. Letting go of my fearful attachments allows me to live from a place of love and faith. So, starting now I will feed my soul by being present with God, my family, and myself. I will let go of the expectations I have for my life, my career, and my place in this world.
Here’s a song I love by Mute Math. It is called Control, but it is really about Surrender!
Also, I wanted to add at the end here that I am pretty sure I have written a variation of this post before. But part of this journey is about getting the same lessons over and over until you master them. It would be nice to say this is the last time I write about “Surrender” and “Letting Go,” but it probably won’t be.
Book by Sarah Young – Jesus Calling – I love this:
I want you to live this day abundantly, seeing all there is to see, doing all there is to do. Don’t be distracted by future concerns. Leave them to Me! Each day of life is a glorious gift, but so few people know how to live within the confines of today. Much of their energy for abundant living spills over the time line into tomorrow’s worries or past regrets. Their remaining energy is sufficient only for limping throught the day, not for living it to the full. I am training you to keep your focus on My Presence in the present. This is how to receive abundant Life, which flows freely from My throne of grace.
Leslee I printed this and put it on an easel in my bathroom to try to remind me to live abundantly and not to worry and regret. Every morning I stop and read it and “try” to start my day in a positive way. I pray this speaks to you as well. He is all we need I know but sometimes the flesh tells us we need more! I am praying for your journey. I love you always! Christi
Christi-I loved reading this when you sent it to me the other day and forgot to reply to tell you how good it was to receive it. And strangely (or not) on the way home the thought occurred to me that I should get my hands on this book “Jesus Calling.” Thanks for posting it here for others to enjoy as well! I have the song “Jesus Take the Wheel” on my Ipod and every time I hear it it gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes. I love you too!!
Another honest and revealing post. Yes, surrendering is a tough thing to do. It means relinquishing control and acknowledging the existence of other forces far greater than us. That is what I love about writing. It requires me to surrender all prejudices and preconceived notions, and to allow my story and characters speak.
Surrender is a huge thing, especially if you like to be the one in control. I’m working on this right now myself. It is freeing and I’m becoming more patient with my children and joyful in the right now part of my life. Thanks for this post. It is always good to be reminded of why you are doing something and what it is doing for you. Thanks.
Thanks Karen and Kelli, this is one that bears repeating and will probably be repeated again in the future! There is comfort in letting go…if you can do it!